Why does she hate me so much? Amanda sat in a bar alone after yet another blazing argument with Olivia; she was knocking back the brown liquor like there was no tomorrow trying to forget the past 8 hours.
Today has been especially bad Olivia had completely disregarded everything Amanda had said and then had the audacity to blame her when the case went south. It ended up with them having a screaming match in the middle of the precinct and getting an ass chewing from Cragen.
Downing another drink her blood was starting to boil and she couldn't stop thinking of that woman, I have done nothing to her apart from show her kindness and try to be her friend, but no Olivia has been downright rude and patronising to me. I idolised this woman and put her on a pedestal well there's never been a truer saying, never meet your idols! Saint Benson my ass, her ramblings were starting to cause afew heads to turn.
Amanda was drunk and angry she threw a couple of bills down on the bar and made her way outside for cigarette, then it hit while she had this Dutch courage she should go sort this out once and for all. As she started walking she realised she didn't actually know where Olivia lived, she would text Fin for the address but then he'd probably try to talk her out of it or worse come down and drag her home. Undeterred she made her way to the precinct; she'll get her address there.
Amanda strode into the squad room expecting it to be empty, only to be hit with one solitary light on in the entire room which came from Olivia's desk lamp, not a sound could be heard except for the tapping on a keyboard. "Amanda it's after 10 what are you doing here?"
Olivia didn't make eye contact which pissed Amanda off even more; she just sat there sipping on a glass of whiskey typing away. Before Amanda knew it she had blurted out exactly what her intentions were, "Honestly I'm here for your address, but here you are so that saves me the bother. I want to know what's your problem with me Liv?"
"Your drunk go home." Olivia wasn't rising to the bate she just rolled her eyes and started working again.
Amanda walked over grabbed the glass and downed the remaining drink, the burning in her throat certainly didn't curb her anger or discourage her from getting the answer she wanted. "I asked you a question, now come on tell me why do you hate me so much?"
Olivia rolled her eyes over to the younger woman the brown eyes holding fire in them as she silently dared her to try that again. "Amanda I'm you sergeant, have some respect and watch your mouth, now go home!"
Amanda knew fine well she was getting under Olivia's skin and she was damn sure not backing down now. "If you want me to leave, then tell me why you took an instant dislike to me. Before I came here I idolised you, I was so excited to be working beside the wonderful Olivia Benson. But you...you're not wonderful you're a bully." Seeing she wasn't getting any reaction at all from the woman who put her head back down and continued working, she slammed her hands down on the desk causing Olivia to visibly jump "And I've had enough of it!"
Olivia looked up at Amanda her face holding a look of shock and slight annoyance, not anger just mildly annoyed which puzzled Amanda, this wasn't the reaction she was expected she had expected Olivia to erupt. This could only mean one thing she was going to store this till tomorrow, then unleash a power of hate on Amanda.
"Yeah me too! Now I'm taking your drunk ass home and when you're less..." gesturing her hand at Amanda's current state "then we'll talk."
"You're so patronising Olivia."
The drive back was awkward Amanda sat looking out of her window while Olivia kept her eyes on the road neither of them daring to look at the other. It surprised Amanda when Olivia spoke she thought they were going to sit in ever growing awkward silence the whole way. "Look Amanda it isn't you." Amanda glared over at Olivia giving her a warning stare she wasn't in the mood for any lies. "Ok, it is you. When I get close to people they all leave me high and dry, so I'm not doing it anymore."
There was definite sadness in the air Olivia was thinking about her mum, Elliot and Alex, they were all gone, at least her mum had an excuse but as for Alex and Elliot, neither of them were dead and yet they just left without a single word for Olivia.
Everyone she loved was gone out of her life and they never looked back, she wasn't doing it to herself anymore. Not for the forth time.
Amanda was feeling even worse than before especially now that the alcohol is sloshing around in her stomach, "Olivia I don't want anything from you I just want to be your friend but if we can't be friends can you at least start treating me with some respect and not like some wet behind the ears rookie who doesn't have an opinion worth listening to. I've got feelings you know."
Neither of them had uttered a word for the past ten minutes. Amanda looked over at Olivia and saw a tear escaping her eye, maybe the realisation of her actions was eventually becoming clear to her.
As they pulled up outside of Amanda's building she thanked Olivia for the lift home, she got out and watched her drive off. She opened her apartment door feeling even lonelier than before, she didn't get the answer she wanted in fact she got palmed off. All Amanda wanted was an apology or at least some sort of tangible reason to be hated so much. Olivia's words rang through her head "I'm not doing it anymore." She wanted to pack up her stuff and leave.
Olivia pulled up around the corner and she sat her in car sobbing uncontrollably tears streaming down her face, she'd been making Amanda's life hell. She knew she had been pushing her away but it was her way of self-preservation. She decided enough was enough she'd put herself and Amanda through enough, she can't tar everybody with the same brush. She was going to tell Amanda how she really felt.
Hearing a persistent knocking at the door, Amanda groaned and mumbled as she walked to answer it "If you've come up to tell me to turn down my TV again I'm getting my gun!"
She nearly fell over when she saw Olivia standing there with a takeout bag, eyes all puffy and red and her blue shirt tear stained.
Olivia walked forward and kissed Amanda gently on the lips. She pulled back realising Amanda wasn't participating.
Amanda was lost for words she just stood and stared at the woman in front of her, "Ok...Well I wasn't expecting that."
Olivia turned a shade of red and handed Amanda the take out bag "Here this is for you, you should eat something soak up the alcohol." and began walking off.
"Wait...what? You kiss me hand me a bag then leave, are you crazy? Get in here, you're going nowhere till we talk about this." She walked after Olivia and took her hand pulling her inside the apartment, "Olivia your straight!"
"Says who?"
"Is this a dream? Because I've had these dreams about you before I mean admittedly you don't bring me food and then walk off..." Amanda was feeling very confused although thankful that she felt slightly more sober.
Cutting her off Olivia kissed her again, "You're not dreaming." Smirking at the other woman as she watched the cogs turn in her head.
Olivia let out the breath she didn't know she was holding "I'm sorry I pushed you away, I was so afraid of getting hurt again I pushed you away but I've realised if I keep being afraid I'm going to miss out in what could be," She cupped Amanda's cheek and looked deep into those baby blues," Can we have a fresh start?"
"Yeah I'd really like that, if you're ever worried talk to me though, yeah." Amanda smiled and handed her a plate, they sat on the couch next to each other laughing and talking while they ate.
Olivia looked over at the woman she'd loved for years and she suddenly felt like she belonged she leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, "I fell for you from the minute you walked in the door."
