The bitter warmth of whiskey sliding down the back of her throat was oddly comforting. The chatter of people all around her was slowing fading into the background. She knew alcohol was getting the better of her, and she did not care. She wanted to forget all the bad. Atlanta, gambling, her sister, and all the cases she faced day by day. She was not tired of it, she did not want to quit—just forget. She knew she would not be driving home as another shot of whiskey slid down her throat. Everyone had demons, and she thought she was selfish for thinking hers topped all others. They did not. They hopefully never would either. Her head seemed to clear; the absentness of thoughts was quickly refilled with fog. It was not enough to her, but she knew she had to cool it down. Tears stung at the back of her eyes.
"Rollins?" A soft voice called out. She felt a hand on her shoulder. She noticed the olive skin and black painted fingernails and knew exactly who it was. The hand sat down, finger tips brushing gently on her collarbone. A shiver rolled down Amanda's spine from the contact as she looked towards the person.
Olivia Benson sat across from her in the booth. Amanda read the concern on her mentor's face like a book. She frowned; she did not like worrying Olivia. She was not worth the trouble. A single red lamp with gold designs hung in between them above their heads. However, it was not enough light for Olivia to see the single tear roll down Amanda's face.
Benson knew Amanda was taking the case hard. A gay man was falsely accused. Amanda was right when she first said he was innocent, but with her still being the rookie, no one believed her. Olivia did not either. It was evitable that something like this would happen. She would end up drinking away the pain of cases, a cycle Olivia found herself in numerous times over the years. The two women sat in trepidatious silence. Amanda's finger traced the edge of her shot glass. There was nothing to honestly be said. No 'are you okay' was necessary. The older woman was apprehensive on comforting Amanda, although she felt the desire to. She was unsure of the relationship between them. They never had any conversation outside of work, but she doubted that matter.
Her mocha eyes found Amanda's finger tips still circling the shot glass.
Rollins' head shot up, her eyebrows making their famous line of confusion on her face as Olivia moved the shot glass from her hands. The blonde watched on as Olivia swirled the olive colored liquid around in the glass before titling her head back and drowning it.
"I didn't know you drank whiskey." Amanda said, confusion never leaving her face.
Olivia cleared her throat to get rid of some of bitterness. With the corners of her lips barely turning upwards she replied, "I don't."
"Liv," Amanda began. "You don't have to be here. I'm fine."
Olivia removed her hand from her lap and placed it over Amanda's hand on the table. "You're not fine. Do you want to talk?" Amanda, however, didn't hear her. She was more focused on Olivia's sudden contact. Not that she was complaining.
"No. I don't want to talk about it. I just..." answered Amanda after a few minutes of staring at the senior detective.
"Just what?" Olivia did not move her hand. "We all have certain cases that get to us, Amanda."
"It doesn't get better, does it?" The younger woman asked in a small voice. She removed her hand from underneath Olivia's, but immediately missed the warmth.
"No. But it does get easier."
Olivia looked at Amanda concerned. The blonde looked down and wrapped her arms around herself, hugging herself tightly. She stared at floor, and before she knew it, every bad memory was coming back to her in a flash faster than she expected. Another single tear started it all, and soon, they were coming out in quiet sobs. Olivia knew the blonde would rather be strong, fight her own battles and put on a brave face. But all that went out the window as the senior detective slid out her side of the booth and sat down next to her distressed co-worker.
She pulled Amanda partially into her lap. Amanda barely noticed, she just continued to cry on Olivia's shoulder. Olivia stroked Amanda's blonde locks, hoping to comfort the woman. This was much more than the cases, but she did not dare ask what else was going on with the much younger woman.
After a while, Amanda calmed down. Her sobs slowed down, then slowed down some more until they were barely there. Then not there at all. She realized she was in Olivia's arms, and instantly melted on the inside knowing the brunette calmed her down.
"I-I'm so sorry, Liv. That was unprofes—"Amanda began as she started to extract herself from Olivia. The brunette detective delicately placed her hand on Amanda's wrist. She sent the younger woman a look to let her know it was okay, it failed to assure her.
"Amanda, it is okay." Olivia reassured stroking Amanda's arm softly. They sat there in that position for a while. This was far beyond any normal professional boundary, but neither woman found a reason to change it.
"Liv, I-" Olivia pressed her lips against Amanda gently. She knew this was something she should not be doing, but she did not stop.
Amanda gasped; shocked by the kiss and the fact she was not the only one wanting this. Olivia took this as an opportunity and gently took Amanda's bottom lip in between her teeth. She felt Amanda relax in her arms just as the blonde moaned into their kiss. Amanda's hand found its way into wavy brunette locks of hair. A battle of tongues for dominance in between their mouths caused a missing fire deep in both women. Olivia moved her hand up Amanda's thigh, her finger tips a mere few inches from her core. Amanda shivered.
The need for oxygen became too necessary, and the two women broke apart. Both out of breath and shocked, they sat there staring at each other.
"You okay?" was the simple question Olivia asked.
"I'm fine." She answered huskily moving to kiss Olivia again with a fiercer passion.
