Slow wasn't a word that Olivia usually used to describe the encounters between Amanda and herself. Hard, fast and plain rough at times were all accurate. Slow had never come into play. She remembered the first time, when she'd coaxed a half drunk Amanda away from the bar. Olivia's place had been closer, and she'd offered the blonde her couch for the night. The first clumsy kiss Amanda had placed on Olivia's lips as they crossed the threshold into the older woman's apartment hadn't been entirely unexpected.
The physical attraction had been simmering between them for weeks, though neither woman had wanted to admit it. What had been unexpected was Amanda's complete dominance in the encounter, her skilful fingers and relentless tongue completely undoing Olivia piece by piece. The brunette came so hard and so fast and she didn't even have a chance to feel self-conscious when she finally realised that Amanda was still fully clothed because the younger woman left the apartment without a word, leaving Olivia to wonder what exactly had just happened.
By some sort of miracle, both Amanda and Olivia turned up at work the next day and it wasn't awkward, but it wasn't mentioned. Lamentingly, Olivia had put it down as a one off until the next time a case hit Amanda particularly hard. This time the blonde had come knocking at her apartment, her intentions clear from the look in her eyes. Olivia had once again fallen under the spell of the blue eyed detective and let take complete control but just like the first time, Amanda had left before Olivia even had a chance to try to reciprocate.
It had continued like this for several weeks, before Olivia finally managed to get one over on Amanda. Taking the blonde by surprise and flipping her over, Olivia had pinned her to the bed, intent on finally paying Amanda back for the delicious ministrations she had imparted on her. It was then that Olivia had seen it. A brief flash of panic in Amanda's eyes, followed by the younger woman switching their positions back so she was on top. Amanda had muffled Olivia's questions with heated kisses and the one time Olivia had tried to bring it up the blonde had shut her down completely.
Recalling a moment that had happened not long after Amanda had been transferred, in which she'd revealed that something had happened to her in Atlanta, Olivia put two and two together and realised then that whatever they had going on, this thing they were doing, it wasn't just about Amanda being dominant and taking out her frustrations. Olivia realised that this was something that ran way deeper, that Amanda didn't want to talk about, and that she just needed to do. So Olivia didn't ask questions, and she didn't argue when Amanda left her bed. It, whatever it was just continued, a strange little ritual that neither woman spoke about but that they'd both grown to know when to expect.
The past couple of days had been particularly rough on the entire team. First they'd lost a big case which they'd been building for months. Everyone had taken it badly but Olivia had noticed the toll it had taken on Amanda. Then today Amanda and Fin had been taken by surprise when they'd gone to pick up a suspect in a child pornography ring. He'd knocked Fin unconscious and beaten Amanda then held her own gun to her head, intending to use her as a human shield. Despite the SWAT team and hostage negotiators getting involved, the perp had sealed his own fate by forgetting to take Fin's gun when he'd knocked him out. Fin had woken up long enough to take him out. Of course, with Fin rushed to the hospital, Amanda had borne the brunt of the IAB investigations and when Olivia watched the blonde ignore everyone as she was finally able to leave the precinct she had looked about ready to snap.
So it hadn't been a surprise when Amanda had come knocking on her door later on that night. Olivia had deliberately held off from contacting Amanda, she'd made it clear that she didn't want to speak to anyone, and Olivia knew better than to push. Olivia expected it all, the forceful knock, the urgency with which Amanda had kissed her, the slight tang of whiskey on the blonde's tongue but what Olivia hadn't expected was the emptiness in Amanda's eyes. Usually they were full of anger, frustration or lust, but never emptiness.
