There was always something special about detective Olivia Benson. The way she composed herself, the way she always seemed to carry herself, the grace, the elegance, the strength. Amanda Rollins knew it, she saw it. The older brunette was the type of person she could only hope and pray to become, only dream of being in a relationship with. So dream she did. Unable to stop her thoughts wandering to her occasional partner when they worked cases together, when they were in the squad room, all the time in fact. It never appeared to matter where she was or who she was with, Olivia Benson was the only thing, only person occupying her thoughts. Night and day, twenty four seven.
It had become somewhat of an obsession in fact. The blonde fully consumed by everything detective Benson. But she'd resigned herself, a long time ago, to being nothing more than colleagues with the woman of her dreams. Olivia had always dated men, slimy, selfish men at that. Men that didn't deserve her, didn't appreciate her, didn't treat her honourably. Not the way Amanda wanted to.
The blonde had been so preoccupied in her own little Benson world that she hadn't even realised the arrival of the rest of the squad that morning. Her pen hanging between her lips loosely as she stared off into nothingness.
"Hey Amanda." Fin had greeted. Getting nothing in response.
"Amanda." He tried again, still nothing.
"Amanda." He said a little louder, his hand resting on her shoulder.
"Huh? What?" Amanda startled, taking her pen from her mouth as if it were a cigarette.
"Are you Ok?" He asked quietly, all too aware of the blondes history of gambling and psychotic family members, and therefore demons that haunted her on an almost daily basis.
"Oh, Yeah, Sorry. I must have zoned out. I'm good." The blonde answered, stumbling over her words slightly whilst trying to brush off the concern written all over her partners face, and surveying the room for the only person she needed to lay her eyes on.
"You sure?" He asks her even quieter than before, aware of the bustling of their colleagues around them.
"Yeah Fin, I'm good. I promise." The younger woman tells him confidently, flashing him a smile before returning to the paperwork at hand. Trying to ground her mind into something other than the brunette that is currently nearby, sitting at her own desk, watching the exchange with interest. Their eyes had met momentarily before Amanda had dragged herself back to her hushed conversation with Fin.
Olivia had been much more accepting of her new colleagues in recent months, having finally come to terms with Elliot retiring, and not hearing a word from her partner of twelve years. They were solid detectives, she could see that, sometimes a little over eager to impress and downright stubborn, but good at their jobs nonetheless. But Amanda had seemed really spaced out and distant in recent months, seemingly unable to fully give her attention to anything. Always looking so deep in thought, or just not even in the room, like she wanted to be anywhere but where she was.
Sighing with relief, Amanda stacks her paperwork and turns off her computer. Having made it through an exceptionally slow day without drifting off too far into her own thoughts. Somehow keeping the daydreams she had had totally unsexual, something that takes rather a lot of effort and control.
"See you tomorrow guys." The blonde says as she throws her coat on and heads towards the elevator. Amanda hits the call button and pushes her hands deep into her pockets, once again lost in her own little world. The signal of the elevator arriving pulling her from her thoughts just long enough to get into the metal box and press the button for the ground floor.
"Amanda, wait up." Olivia calls, prompting the younger detective to hold the doors a second and allow the woman she's been pining after into the elevator with her.
Benson stands next to Amanda facing the doors, her hands buried deep in her pockets, only a small distance separating the two women's shoulder from touching.
"Where you going?" Olivia asks tentatively as the elevator begins it's slow journey to the ground floor.
"Uh, home Liv, it's been a slow day." The blonde responds a little surprised by the older woman's questions.
"Want to grab a drink?" The brunette asks, watching Amanda intently from the corners of her eyes.
"I don't know. Maybe?" Amanda responds. Suddenly unsure of herself. Of course she wants to spend time with Olivia, but the blonde and alcohol never ends with her not making a fool of herself.
"Maybe?" Liv asks her, her perfectly sculpted right eyebrow raised in surprise and confusion, having turned her head to properly look at the beautiful blonde beside her.
"You know Liv, me and alcohol aren't the best of friends. I tend to make stupid decisions when I drink." Amanda admits honestly, turning to face Olivia and stepping back to lean against the side of the elevator.
"What kind of 'stupid decisions' are we talking here?" Olivia asks somewhat playfully, a smirk pulling at the corner of her lips.
"The kind that could end us both in trouble." Amanda deadpans, not answering the question completely.
The elevator dings, announcing their arrival at the desired floor.
Olivia takes the step towards Amanda before she can escape, lowering her tone slightly before almost whispering to the blonde
"What if I want you to make 'stupid decisions' with me?" She utters before exiting the elevator, briefly leaving Amanda stunned into silence, unable to move for a couple of seconds before Olivia calls back.
"You coming then Rollins? Or not." The question snapping Amanda from her astonished state, and causing her to nearly run after the brunette.
