(ON HOLD) Tell Me When I'm Good Enough ($uicideboy$/$crim story)

Ten

Scrim

I couldnt believe that she was here let alone that she was being so forward. It helped. At least I know where I stand. She likes me and she's single. She thinks I'm hot. So what was stopping me? I felt like I was hesitant. One part of me wanted to fuck her right here like the old $lick would and not give a shit about if someone would see. But there was another part of me that was screaming to back away. Maybe I needed something more serious?

We ended up talking for about an hour in the kitchen. Both just sat on the stools our legs touching. Talking about everything and nothing. About favourite TV shows. Mine being Shameless. She'd seen the UK one but not the American. I was the other way round so we promised we would watch them together and compare. We talked about music and what we wanted the future to hold in terms of our careers. I didn't realise she was the same age as me. She didn't look it at all. I liked girls my age. They want similar things. If you speak to younger girls they want to still have fun and im just not in that space in my life. Ive had my fun, more than my share of it too. She seems to have her priorities right and she seems to be a hardworker. I like that. I don't want a gold digger. I'm not looking for someone rich but I don't someone who wants me to look after them. I want a partnership.

She did a few songs on the karaoke, requests by my family. I wanted the ground to swallow me up whole. They where forcing us together by the sounds of it. Would that even work?
I had her right Infront of me, the girl I've been fantasizing about and now I was having doubts. What the fuck is wrong with me? There's no doubt that I'm extremely attracted to her but can I handle something like this or someone like her right now? She seemed to be perfect for me, everything I'm looking for. So what is this cloud of doubt that's washing over me.

After the majority of the guests had gone and we where left with my close friends we decided to have a late night pool party while it was still warm. When Amber walked out in the string bikini I nearly lost it. Everything about her was perfect to me. Her ass, her tits and I liked that she wasn't heavily tattooed like me. She had a few small ones dotted about but that was it. She looked innocent but I knew she wasn't. She had a devilish glint in her eyes. We sat talking again at the side of the pool untill she threw me in. I couldn't help but pull her in after me. Feeling her skin against mine was amazing. Being this close to her made my heart beat out of my chest. I'm suprised she couldn't hear it. Her having her legs and arms wrapped round me gave me some naughty thoughts, thoughts I had to bury because of how many people where here. The old $crim would have tried it on, I couldn't do that sober Infront of everyone.

As soon as it had started to cool off we headed upstairs to get her a change of clothes and a warm shower. She was shivering wearing just that tiny bikini.

She kissed me.

And it felt so good. Like they always joke. Fireworks. But seriously it felt like I'd been waiting for that since the moment I set eyes on her. It was starting to escalate. I'd pinned her against the wall and I could feel myself getting worked up and hard. But I just couldn't help but feel like it was too soon. I started to freak out. I didn't want anything or anyone to fuck up my sobriety this time and being with her, around her was making me feel out of control. I completely backed off. It wasn't real untill today. It was all a fantasy up untill she walked into my house. Now it was too much. I've not even rebounded from Toni. How could I even start to think about starting something with my dream girl. I'd fuck it all up.

I can't believe I freaked out on her. She was so understanding too. I felt like such a dick. We had been flirting all night and now I back off. Like how do I come back from this? Can we even go back to just being friendly. I still want to tip her clothes off and everytime I look at her my chest tightens but I don't want to mix up rebounding with having actual feelings for someone.

I helped her with the shower and bolted. I hid on the balcony of  one of the spare rooms smoking until I had calmed myself down. I bumped into Coco on my way back down and word vomited the whole situation to her. She was quickly now becoming my relationship councillor. She said we would talk in more depth about it tomorrow and I needed to just let tonight play out.

The rest of the night went by quickly. We ordered in pizza and listened to music in the back around the fire pit. Coco eyes me cautiously as Amber approaches me timidly.

"$crim do you have a spare bed I could use tonight? I think Lexi is going soon she doesn't feel too good" She stares off towards her assistant

"Yeah no problems" I can't even look her in the eye. I'm such a prick

"I promise I'll make breakfast in the morning" she smiles

"Can you make pancakes?" Pouya shouts from the kitchen

"English ones yes, American no..." She shrugs

"We have been promised English ones before and they have never materialized" Ruby squeezes his girlfriend

"Hey give me chance! I've been here less than a month" She pouts
"I'll come and help make them in the morning, happy?!" She sticks her tongue out at Oddy

"Extremely" he smirks

"Ok, sorted. English pancakes for breakfast. Do you lot even know what an English pancake is?" We all shake our heads
"Your going to have a suprise then" she giggles and winks and Oddys girl.