(ON HOLD) Tell Me When I'm Good Enough ($uicideboy$/$crim story)

Eleven

Amber

I sat at the bottom of the shower feeling sorry for myself. I knew that he was attracted to me but I couldn't help but feel humiliated and rejected. I tried to be understanding but I felt raw. I had a little cry then shook it off and put my big girl pants on. I needed to go back downstairs like nothing has happened. I'm not sure I'm that good at acting. I was gutted. I felt sick at the thought of being here for a few days after that's just happened.

I stay as far away as humanly possible from him and couldn't bring myself to look at him. I felt like I was in the brink of tears the whole time. Luckily no-one mentioned it. I sat and talked to Meth, Max and Adam for the rest of the night. I'd met Adam before he's friends with Post Malone, who I'm supposed to be working with soon.

Lexi wasn't feeling too good so Ruby and his girlfriend where going to take her back to the hotel. I thought it better if I don't disturb her so I asked if there was a spare bed. I hoped it was spare and I didn't have to sleep with him. I think my pride is too fragile for that.

It wasn't much after Lexi left that I decided to head upto bed. I put on the TV curled up into a ball and cried myself to sleep. Feeling sorry for myself.

At about 1 I woke up because I heard someone trying to get into the bedroom. I shot up. The door quietly shut, so I waited for the foot steps to die down as I heard them walk away. I cracked the door ajar just enough for me to see through the gap. Some girl was literally unbuckling $crims pants as he guided her down the hall to his room. I was devastated. I closed the door softly and slid down it. I silently cried in a heap in the floor. I felt so stupid. What was I even doing here. He didn't invite me. He obviously doesn't want me here. I text Lexi to book us on an earlier flight before I dragged myself into the bed. God knows how long I had been sat in the floor sobbing.

🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤

I hardly slept a wink and I was definitely up before anyone else. I made my way downstairs and made fresh coffee and started to prepare breakfast.

I saw the girl $crim took in his room last night try and sneak out. She looked like a deer in the headlights when she realised I'd seen her. She scuttled off quickly. Followed shortly after by the man himself. When his eyes fell on me he smiled then seemed to switch to a look of guilt. I felt sick

Saved by the bell. Ruby and his gorgeous girlfriend walked in hand in hand .

"I'm here with stuff for a full English" I smiled widely at her and we started to set up for the breakfast

"You two up coincidentally?" Ruby winked at me

"$crim was just letting his date out" I turned my back to them all and went to the fridge.  Knowing id just dropped a bomb

"Date?" Ruby sounded confused

"It's not what it seemed" he struggled to explain himself

"Oh, so she didnt unbuckle your pants on the way in your room last night?" Ruby's eyes go wide. The conversation is disrupted with everyone starting to wake up.  I busied myself with making the food and nothing else was said about it .

He wouldn't look at me. Not that I wanted him to. I was still pissed. How could he do that? I know we had decided to be just friends but I told him how I felt and he just threw that to the side for a quick fuck?

Glad he liked me as much as I thought.

I didn't notice but Coco is staring at me with a concerned look on her face. I must have been sat staring into space. I give her a small smile and she scrunches her face up at me signalling she doesn't believe im ok. She helps collect the dishes and we leave the men washing up while me her , Lexi and Shay go up to Coco's rooms balcony.

As soon as we sit down they all turn to me asking what's going on. I burst into tears.

"He told me he wasn't ready but then I saw him hook up with someone last night. I feel so stupid. I just want to go home" Lexi wraps her arms around me, hugging me tightly.

"He freaked out. He told me that he really likes you and that he didn't want to rush it because he sees it going somewhere" Coco shakes her head in disbelief
"Maybe it's because he was horny. He's not slept with anyone since Toni. Maybe he didnt want his rebound to be you?"

"He didn't tell me about Toni. But to do it while I'm in the house? " I wipe my tear streaked face

"Did you two kiss? You where so flirty all night" Lexi pouts

"Yeah I kinda pounced on him and I thought we where going to go all the way and then he backed off. Practically threw me off him I felt so embarrassed" I hide my face

"Yeah he told me about that. He didn't want to do something either of you would regret" Coco pulls my hands down and holds them

"Why did he not tell me that. He made me feel shit and what's with the hoe he welcomed in the middle of the night?"

"That's something you need to ask him but you can't ask him if your not here" Shay points out

"Fine but he better beg for my forgiveness and been really convincing about it. Or I'm going back to LA" I huff as I cross my arms