THE DIARY

ENTRY 2

11/01/2017

Hi diary,

Its Wednesday today and it sucked a bit.
I'll run you through it;

I'm an insomniac so I slept by 4am, just to be woken up by 6am by my mom.
I love her and all, but 6am? Why???
She said we had to go shopping for school and do chores.

When we got back from the market, I tried to rest a bit but I couldn't, I had to do more chores...FML

I didnt get to rest at all, there was always something I had to do but that didn't stop me from reading on wattpad.

........

This is supposed to be about my secrets so yh I have a very important one...
I'm bisexual...tada
I like both girls and boys. Ive had crushes here and there👉👈
But I'll never let it go beyond that...

There's this crush I had, it was a love triangle which I had in secondary school.
I was in SS1 then when I liked a girl who liked a boy who liked me...I would never forget that, it was so awkward.
When I was in SS2 I also had a crush on my desk mate, he was so dreamy in so many ways.
I have had lots and lots of crushes on both boys and girls which do not really last long.
It took me a while to come to terms with it but wattpad and YouTube had my back.

My first girl crush was on Amaka Eze, the girl who made me question my sexuality at 15. What made me more attracted to her was her confidence. She was that popular girl in my class that was nice and dressed so elegantly.

Anytime she came into the class, I would just stare at her unconsciously. My eyes would assess her from her neatly braided hair to her knee length white sock. I would take in every detail of her beauty.

I first thought it was because I was envious of her full lips or cute dimples but i wouldn't stop staring.

I couldn't stop thinking about her, I even had dreams about her. I had always wanted to talk to her, even if it was just an 'hey'.

She left my school later on. We still chat once in a while.

Times went by and I started to discover more things about myself, like the things that attracts me to someone, the types of clothes I liked and so on

I wouldn't call myself a girly girl and I'm not really a tomboy. I did my research and it turned out I'm a 'Stem', a term used to identify a person who is neither a 'fem' or a 'stud'.

I started finding out more things, but I couldn't really explore a lot of options because of the country I am from. I don't want problems.

The worst part of my self discovery was the fact that I couldn't tell anyone, which lead to my trust issues and a lot of other things .

So I guess this is another part of me, the deeper part.
Till later.

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