@OnyxWriting
Chapters read:
Chapters 1-2
Title:
It's curious in a good way.
Cover: 8.5/10
It's good! Very well done and I think it sets a good vibe for your story. The only thing I'd say is I think the font could be doing more.
Blurb: 7/10
I like the quote in the beginning but I think a few too many things are listed. Or if you want to leave them all in I'd suggest rephrasing it like "Our very bones are stained with sin and scorched with fire, broken by betrayals and soaked with blood." It's almost like there's one description too many right now.
Actually I really, really like the quote. It draws me in. I'd just say maybe "it will be all the more (delicious) when we rip them" maybe matches the mood better? Instead of fun idk
With the second paragraph I have the same advice. There are a few too many things. You don't need to say it's passed down AND everywhere AND in every universe AND like no other AND will never be weakened. Just like three things will do just fine.
And the "Until it is" should technically be "Until it does" because you mean Until it does end.
I like the blurb I do but towards the end it gets really confusing. You have to remember that Varkeshia and Varsillias are new terms for the reader so you have to be very careful when using them. Is Varsillia a place? A family? I don't know and it makes the blurb confusing to read.
That aside it was very intriguing and I'm excited to see where your story goes.
Miscellaneous:
The Invocation is cool but if you're going to give us a random mass of text it has to have some wow factor. A tale of a girl like us but magic isn't really anything special. My advice would be to make it a bit more poetic, like the first paragraph of the blurb was.
"Let me tell of a girl who was all alone and strong all the same."
After reading the epicness of the blurb a sentence like that makes me feel like I was ripped off. "Let me tell of a girl who wore loneliness like a crown, and for that simple reason was stronger than ten thousand legions." Kill us with poetic essence!!! Okay don't but you get what I mean xD
The High Houses concept is very cool.
Anderson Nivirah- former head of house Haley Nivirah- Current head
But the inconsistency irks me. That should be capital 'f' 'Former'. Inconsistency to me looks juvenile so I'd suggest making them all small letter or all capital (capital please).
And maybe putting the House names in bold.
I only skimmed through but I saw some very cool terms so good on you.
However, I shouldn't have to read through a glossary to understand the blurb. I understand now that Varsillia is a place so I'd suggest saying "until all the High Houses in Varsillia rebel" to make it very clear.
Okay I'm sorry I'm going on a tangent but the Varkeshians (I'm assuming Varkeshia is another country) are mentioned at the beginning and the end of the blurb, but the middle seems to about a civil war?
Your story clearly has a lot going on but you don't have to tell us EVERYTHING now. I've mentioned before, there's a very thin line between intriguing your readers and confusing them.
Having your readers be house members is BRILLINT though! I love it, it's really unique.
The challenges are a really cool unique idea, although I think they're cramping up the book a bit.
