@i-freaking-lo_ove-me
Chapters read: Chapters 1 - 3
Title:
The title is pretty good. It's not super attention grabbing but I don't think it's too mainstream.
Cover: 8.5/10
The cover does it's job, it lets me know the type of story it's going to be. It's simple and clean, I like it! The only thing I'd say is the "Finding You" is a teensy bit hard to read because of the girl's hair.
Blurb: 7/10
I really like that you start with a question but I feel like the question could be more powerful. It doesn't really pack much of a punch.
The blurb is short and my advice for short blurbs is always the same: Every line needs to work.
Maybe instead of "she doesn't know what she('s) signed up for" you can say "she has no clue what she('s) signed up for" Little things like that just to add a bit more pizzazz.
I like the "rude, self-centered, obnoxious" bit but maybe "rude, self-centered, and exactly what she needs?" That is definitely a suggestion so just something for you to think about.
I really like the last line but it seems a bit disconnected as it didn't seem like Daesyn needed to find herself which is why I suggested the change above. Even if you don't use that I think you need to find an avenue to that last line so it's not as detached.
So yeah my advice for this whole blurb is just flesh it out, be more poetic, use stronger words because right now it does it's job but there's no WOW factor.
Miscellaneous:
I think the bit about how to pronounce Daesyn and Caelum could be in the author's note.
Opening paragraph: 8/10
See CHAPTER ONE below.
Punctuation and grammar: 7/10
I tried to point of whatever mistakes I saw and I say 7 because they weren't a lot of different mistakes just many of the same mistakes which I think is easier to fix.
You were very consistent with your tenses though so well done with that!
Plot: 8/10
To me the plot is progressing very well. She's already become friends with Emery and met Caelum so I think it's developing well.
Pacing: 10/10
The pacing is very good! It didn't feel rushed and I didn't get bored at any time so well done with that!!
Characters: 9/10
Now Daesyn is great! She's displayed well, her character is very clear to me, you did a brilliant job with her!! (My only problem is the no one understands me thing which I felt was just too cliche especially as we had seen no evidence of it). That aside, Daesyn is very well-written!
Caelum is good too, you do a good job showing how little Daesyn knows him and therefore how confusing he is.
Emery seems very nice but I can't really judge yet.
I think Cole was also very well-written despite his short appearance and Emery's mom too. I really like how I can already see so much of their personality despite their short appearances so well done!
Creativity: 6.5/10
Now falling for the bad boy loner is nothing new but Daesyn being Emery's friend FIRST is an interesting little twist although it does lead to the my best friend's brother trope xD I'm sure you have many more twists and turns and so far the story isn't too cliche to me, although there is still room for more creativity.
Daesyn and Caelum's names bump it to a 6.5 for me xD
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
I really enjoyed it to be honest, I will be reading on. I like your writing style, I like how clear Daesyn's voice is for me and it's interesting for me to see your take on this trope. Well done so far! I can't wait to read on😁
