@ads_michie
Chapters read: Prologue - Chapter 4
Title:
It's okay. It does it's job but there's nothing special or specific to your story about it. It definitely could be doing more.
Cover: 4.5
Same thing for the cover. Like exactly the same thing. It's *okay* when it could be amazing.
Blurb: 4/10
I like that the blurb isn't too long but honestly it doesn't really tell us anything. Obviously I'm not saying "Reveal your whole story! All of it! Everything!" but I feel like the blurb is very generic. I could literally slap it on any book, nothing about it is specific to your story or particularly interesting to me.
Essentially I'm saying is tell us what makes YOUR story interesting. Why is YOUR book the one we should read?
I would love to give more specific advice but I can't as I don't know anything about the story yet.
BUT there was a typo. It should be "misery". I am especially hard on typos in short blurbs because there is no reason to have a typo in four sentences ;-;
Miscellaneous:
I read the author's note and you asked me to be hard on you so this is on you xD
There were already typos in the author's note which doesn't inspire much confidence :(
I understand that it's unedited but I would suggest editing your chapters before you post them if you don't already.
Opening paragraph: 8.5/10
See CHAPTER ONE below (I didn't count the prologue for this. If I had it would have been - 4/10)
Punctuation and grammar: 4/10
I understand your story is unedited, but it makes it very hard to read. Do you plan on editing any time soon? Or I'd suggest getting an editor or beta reader.
Plot: 3/10
If the plot is based around Draco and Hayley's relationship then it is not looking good. It's not flowing smoothly to me. It's progressing, just not very well in my opinion.
Pacing: 7.5/10
The pacing is quite good! Some parts seem a little rushed but I didn't find myself feeling bored at any point so good job on that!
Characters: 3.5/10
Your characters have potential but it seems to me like *you* don't even know them well. Like I said below I'd suggest taking time to flesh them out in your mind first.
Creativity: :c
I am NOT saying there is no creativity but so far I cannot see any ;-; This story idea has been done time and time again. Obviously I believe that if I read on I will find some things but even the blurb doesn't really speak of anything special.
Overall enjoyment: 4.5/10
I really liked some elements of Hayley's character and I believe with a bit more effort and consistency she'd definitely be a character to root for. But asides from that nothing else really speaks to me tbh. I like these types of stories but so far I can't see anything that stands out.
PROLOGUE
Okay the prologue is basically a blurb. Literally. I think you're better off replacing your blurb with that although it still doesn't tell us much.
And it's a tangle of tenses. It seems to keep fluctuating between present and past so you need to chose one and stick with it.
"She still manages to run away from her past but one of her deepest nightmares caught up to her."
'She still manages to' meaning she's running as of now in the present but then one of the nightmares 'caught up to her' as per in the past. See what I mean?
