@AkoOku
Chapters read: Chapter 1 - 3
Title:
The title is just a title. There's nothing really special about it.
And after reading the blurb I feel like the title could be doing more.
Cover: 5.5/10
The cover isn't *bad* I just can't really see it's correlation to the title or blurb. Also I feel like the subtitle could be more powerful.
Blurb: 8/10
To be honest the first two lines don't really do it for me. What I would suggest is saying something like "Those seven words changed Debbie's life forever. (Again)."
And I say that because I think her lost memories are the real moneymaker. That's what makes your story different and it's what would push me to choose YOUR book to read.
I really like the second part of the blurb. The only other thing I'd say is that Debbie's name is said twice in two consecutive lines and it just seems a bit repetitive to me.
Also I'd suggest saying "her old boyfriend" just to make it clear. And in the second bit it technically should be "Will her ex-boyfriend"
I really like the three questions and I don't particularly like the ending lines. I think you could just end it with the three questions.
Opening paragraph: 7/10
See CHAPTER ONE below.
Punctuation and grammar: 7/10
It was an 8 but there was a 'Your' where a 'You're' should have been, more than once *shudders* (Don't mind me xD)
Plot: 6/10
Now I say 6 because while the story is progressing nicely I am *confused* Yeah I don't get it. If she's been to the school before then why don't her parents or Nathan ever mention it? And I understand Michie not remembering because maybe she wasn't there but does nobody else remember her? It's all very unclear to me and not in a things-are-being-revealed-slowly-and-i-can't-wait-to-find-out way but in a did-i-miss-a-chapter-or-a-whole-book way.
I went back to the blurb but I still can't figure it out so please reply this explaining xD Regardless this isn't a question I should be asking so I think either the blurb needs to be edited or it needs to be made clearer in the story.
Pacing: 9/10
The pacing of *the chapters themselves* is brilliant! However, like I say below, them being shipped off to boarding school was quite abrupt.
Characters: 9/10
9 because I think all of them even Michie and Raymond and Jason that we just met have very distinct voices so well done on that!!
It's not a 10 because for me their parents were a bit washy-washy, I couldn't really see their clear characters. Also see all the notes I made about Nathan and Debbie's relationship below ;-;
Creativity: 7/10
Children being shipped off to boarding school is nothing new but her memory loss is an interesting twist. However due to my mass confusion I cannot honestly give you higher than a 7 :c Maybe when I understand it I'll be able to rate it more completely xD
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
Your writing is top notch. There are all the things I like like dialogue tags, showing AND telling, mysterious boarding schools but I do not like being confused :(
CHAPTER ONE
The opening sentence is just *okay*. It does it's job by opening the book. I'd suggest just saying "Debbie!" because then there's a bit of suspense as we don't know who's calling her.
The first real paragraph is good. I like the description of her room.
I noticed a few missing commas and pointed some of them out.
