@PJO_forever_and_ever
Chapters read: Prolouge - Chapter 2
Title:
To be honest my mind automatically goes "Guardians of the Galaxy" ;-; but I think it's a good title! The "The Last Elder" part is very intriguing!
Cover: 9/10
I think the cover is very good! It sets the tone for the book and is aesthetically pleasing. There's not much more I can say but I always suggest using your name or a pen name as it looks more professional than a username.
Blurb: 8/10
To be honest the first line is quite cliche. That doesn't bother me but I felt it was worth saying.
The first paragraph is well-written and informative as well as intriguing. Nice job!
It does sound like he was killed by the strange symbols. If yes then I think it's fine but if not there should *probably* be commas after 'man' and after 'town'.
And I think "on a roller-coaster of a journey" reads better but that's just a suggestion. I do think that that sentence should end after "murders" so "behind the murders. But little"
Perhaps "And little does she know exactly what she's capable of." would work too. I know it's repetitive but I think it works because it's for emphasis.
All that aside the blurb is good! It draws me in.
Miscellaneous:
The map is a nice touch and character aesthetics are always fun. Although Vanessa's looks kind of similar to Josh's and Ava's but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
I like the picture at the top of the prologue! It really helps set the mood.
Opening paragraph: 7/10
See PROLOGUE below.
Punctuation and grammar: 7.5/10
I noticed only a few errors, most of which had already been mentioned in the comments.
Plot: 7.5/10
So far a lot of things are hidden but what we already know is very intriguing and I can't wait to find out more!
Pacing: 10/10
I think your pacing is magnificent! I didn't feel bored or like any part was rushed. The story is progressing at a very good speed.
Characters: 8/10
I have seen so little of them so I genuinely cannot judge but I like what I've seen. Especially with her mom's hesitance at the beginning, because it's clear that that's not what she's usually like so good job portraying that.
Creativity: 7/10
I like the mystery surrounding the markings and her visions, they both show creativity in my opinion.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
I really really enjoyed it! I will definitely be reading on. The plot and pacing are very good and like I said I really like the elements of mystery. Thumbs all the way up for me!
PROLOGUE
The first paragraph is a very well-written, beautiful bit of imagery! It's a very good description and helps me picture the scene butttt it's not much of a hook to me. It's a good bit of writing but I feel like you could have had a more intriguing start.
He stole a glance at his wristwatch and grimaced. Few minutes were left until midnight. Maybe a drink with Eric at Barry's Bar wasn't a good idea after all. He fastened his pace, eager to end this day with a good night's sleep. Quite abruptly, the streetlights illuminating his path flickered. He stilled for a second but then dismissed it and walked on, knowing his house was just a few blocks away now.
I like how we're thrown into the story, what with the mention of Eric and Barry's Bar.
However, "fastened" isn't used correctly. Perhaps "quickened" will work?
