@Loves_Writing2704
Chapters read: 2
Title:
It's not bad, it just didn't really stick with me.
Cover: 4/10
I like dragons, I just don't like *that* dragon. To be honest the cover doesn't really make me want to read the book.
Blurb: 3/10
Firstly, I don't know what's going on with the paragraphs, why are they jumping around? I like the idea so far but the execution wasn't very good. We have no idea who Ember is - a dragon? A human? A noble? A rogue? And because we don't know them it doesn't matter to us that their powers keep growing.
The blurb could be really good but with some serious editing. Give us a bit more information about the warring sides, even it it's just their names. I understand that blurbs are meant to be short but this just leaves so much to be desired.
As cool as your concept sounds, if I was a normal reader I wouldn't have made it through the blurb let alone started the story.
In fact, I'm giving the blurb 3 not because it's bad but because it has SO MUCH potential.
Miscellaneous: The idea of a dragon glossary is pretty awesome. I just skimmed through it but would definitely come back as I read the book. Twenty eight is a LOT though. Yeah twenty eight is probably too many, but we'll see xD
Punctuation and grammar: 5/10
You need to do a major edit. I noticed a few typos but I think the main thing you need to edit is the text and the paragraphs. I also noticed some inconsistencies with the tenses.
Plot: 7/10
I like the idea and I'm excited to see how it progresses!
Pacing: 7.5/10
Sometimes the pacing was really good, other times not and my main problem is the fluctuation between those.
Characters: 7/10
I say 7 because Ruby and Ember have really clear characters! They are very, VERY well done, but everyone else has like zero personality. In fact the healer dragon has more personality than Ash and Scar. So far anyway. I understand that I did only read the beginning of your book.
Creativity: 8/10
All the different dragon types! Kudos to you! The idea of a protagonist stuck between warring clans is nothing new but I'm assuming you've put your own spin on it which is why you have an 8.
Overall enjoyment: 6/10
I don't read many dragon stories but I quite enjoyed this one. My main problem is that some of the scenes were a bit too drawn out for me, but if the plot keeps progressing at this pace and Ember keeps being awesome I might read on C:
Below is a detailed review of chapter 1 with lots of nitpicking, and a review of chapter 2.
CHAPTER ONE
Shouldn't terms like 'The Water King' and 'Fire Territory' be capitalized? And a net. What net?
I like being thrown into stories but if you're going to do that you need to describe more. Is the net in a cave? Nestled deep in the heart of the fire territory? What is the net woven with? Is it frayed? Or as strong and sturdy as the day it was woven?
You showed us almost nothing of the fight. It was all tell no show, and we weren't told very well.
"The two fire dragons were no match for the four water dragons, the King killed the mother on the side of the mountain."
We need something like "The two fire dragons were no match for the four water dragons. This fact was made clear as the King ripped the throat of the mother dragon out, her large, red wings thrashing about as he sunk his cerulean claws into her." See what I mean about showing?
