@LunarPrincesse
Chapters read: Chapter 1-4
Title:
It's interesting, not super intriguing but curious enough to make me wonder what the story's about.
It's not a typical fantasy title but that's definitely not a bad thing.
Cover: 7.5/10
The cover does it's job. I really like the *idea* of it but I feel like the execution could be better. I also always suggest using your name or a pen name as that looks better than using a username.
Blurb: 4/10
One word. Short. It's soo short. I don't like super long blurbs but this is giving us so little ;-;
That being said if you're going to have a really short blurb then EVERY word needs to work. A world full of magic is nothing special, tell us the world's name. Tell us why YOUR story is the one we should read. Use more powerful words not just "important", etc. I'd definitely suggest giving it some more body though.
There are also a few errors and there's no reason for that since the blurb is three sentences.
"In a world full of magic, the (twelfth) of (M)ay is an important day for every (fourteen year old)."
There's nothing technically wrong with saying "12", the general rule is just that numbers under 100 are written in word form.
The last two lines are also kind of repetitive. I'd say replace "discover" with a synonym in the second sentence.
I was going to give it a five but the grammatical errors knocked it down a notch :(
So I've started reading the story and the blurb is really not doing enough. We have nothing about the characters, the challenges they'll face and so on. The blurb needs to be doing more.
Opening paragraph: 4/10
See CHAPTER ONE below.
Punctuation and grammar: 3.5/10
I'd really, really recommend getting an editor. I noticed a lot of errors and tried to point them out where I saw them.
Plot: ???
I cannot judge the plot because so far I cannot see one. Usually I'd have gotten an idea of the plot from the blurb but nope. Because of that I cannot judge the plot development either. I have no idea where the story is going, what Adely's goal is, etc etc
Now let me expand on this, I'm not saying you don't have a plot. I'm just saying it's unclear to me. If her goal or maybe the main obstacle had been mentioned in the blurb then I could properly judge but as of now I cannot.
Pacing: 7/10
I say seven because a lot of scenes felt... not rushed but more like we didn't get enough time to actually enjoy them. This isn't necessarily a pacing problem but more of a description issue.
I don't really know where else to put it xD For example, with the ceremony. The speed at which it went was fine but there was very little description so it was hard to really immerse myself into the scene.
Characters: 4/10
I say four because we haven't really seen any of their motivations or distinct personalities. Even with Ellias and Adely's friendship I haven't really seen any evidence that they are really close (excluding the fact that he just ran away to England with her. That would have been a big thing but it just felt a bit too unrealistic for me to really say "okay yes it shows how close they are").
Creativity: 6/10
The magic system seems cool and I like the idea of only certain types of magic being banned. But besides that nothing else really WOWs
Overall enjoyment: 6/10
I did enjoy it but the grammatical and punctuation errors made it very hard to read. Get yourself an editor, slap on some more description, introduce a clear plot and you've got yourself a reader!
