@Navy-Knight825
Chapters read: Prologue - Chapter 2
Title:
I like it! It's short and catchy and I can see it's relation to the story as I read on. Nice job!
Cover: 8.5/10
It's a good cover! Intriguing but then again I really like pirate ships. I think the font could be more fantasy-y though.
Blurb: 6.5/10
The blurb is okay. It gets the job done but I believe it could be more poetic and attention-grabbing.
This is a little nitpick but I'd suggest making it fuller like for example saying "more desperately than (even the most beautiful woman)" to emphasize just how much the old captain wanted it.
(Also it seems the jewel is central to the plot but when she received that letter it didn't seem that important to her. Perhaps have her react more excitedly?)
Back to the blurb you had me until the end. The last sentence just shouldn't be there and if you really want to add it you have to rewrite the last paragraph because it really throws everything off.
If I read this blurb would I read the book? I can't say 'definitely yes' because there's just no WOW factor there for me.
Opening paragraph(s): 9/10
See under PROLOGUE.
Miscellaneous:
The character profiles are nice! (I imagined the other captain with black hair idk xD)
I didn't see the character aesthetics at first but they are brilliant! I love them! Okay I'll stop gushing but they are very well done. A nice touch!
Punctuation and grammar: 7/10
Some errors but nothing a read and edit through can't fix.
Plot: 7.5/10
I'm enjoying it so far, there's just a bit too much telling for me and so it feels like I'm being told the story not like I'm living it right beside Aeryn.
Pacing: 9/10
The pacing is very good! It doesn't feel rushed
and I didn't get bored at any time. Well done!
Characters: 7.5/10
I gave it a seven because I felt I was starting to get to know Aeryn in chapter one and then bam three years later. Obviously she'd have changed quite a bit and since I don't really know what happened in those three years, for me, there was a very big disconnect in her personality. Done right though that may not be a bad thing so just make sure you're careful about it.
What pushes it to 7.5 is the Captain. Well done with him! I mean he's trash but he's very well written trash xD
Creativity: 6.5/10
I only read the first two chapters and nothing has really WOWed me but it's still early and I'm sure you have twists coming.
Overall enjoyment: 8.5/10
I really enjoyed it! I love pirates and it was very well paced and well written, nice job!
PROLOGUE
The opening paragraph is nothing special but then BAM the second paragraph reels me all the way in, nice hook!
"He found it in his newlywed wife named Aisha."
This line really bothers me, I think you can get rid of the 'named' because it makes it sound like it written by a child. (I'm sorry) But so far I'm really enjoying it!
I like how you begin to reveal the mechanics of the curse, but some of the lines sound really juvenile like this one:
"If only he could have cursed the Curse-Maker who bestowed upon him the greatest of burdens."
