Seven.

June 10

Sometimes, it is hard for me to be poetic considering making a tea out of personal musings then sipping it could get really exhausting. 

Whenever that happens, I just write what comes into my mind. There are times when I get a random spike of motivation to do something. I go along with it. I lose it. I take a seat for a while, and then consciously kick in the inspiration to get back to me. 

I remember something from 5 years ago. I was told to write about my feelings, which I found to be just not worth the time. I could not get myself to sit down and actually note down my feelings. 

I just shrugged it off. I thought that once something gets done, it gets really done. I realized that sometimes, I need to look back in the past to acknowledge the same mistakes and to use them as references so as not to repeat the same triggering actions. 

I realized that time would shape me to be better. If there would be anything I could tell now to my younger self, it would be: All things pass, you did your best to survive those situations. You are here. You are present. You are amazing and there are so many things about you that should be celebrated! You will learn more. You can do this. 

It seems to be that being kind to oneself is pretty much overlooked these days. 

Even the tiniest piece of motivation could work wonders. The relationship with myself is one of the things I find to be challenging. If I made a mistake, I could not just walk away with myself. I would have to deal with it. I would have to take care of myself. If I felt down, I could not just tell myself to cheer up. I would have to treat myself better to make myself smile. 

I think that is one of the reasons why I should prioritize myself more -- it has always been me who stays with me -- when everyone else leaves. 

Writing this has actually been helping me. It helps me enhance my critical thinking skills, and to consider so many stuff I might have had overlooked before. It is also kind of meditative. As my mind processes, I leave imprints that I could go back to and reflect on -- every now and then. 

It is preserving the pieces of wisdom that I would need months later.

This is my way of expressing self-love, that I spend time in my day to craft out philosophies and memories that would be my stepping stones towards better future.

What I am doing is out of love. 
I decide to write. I decide to love myself through this way of remembering fragments that could majorly impact my future.

Still, to put this altogether is a matter of choice. I suppose, this makes love a matter of decision -- and I decide to push through.