The Bravery in his Eyes - A TMNT Leo X Reader Story

Chapter 33 - Panic

Leo's POV

Breathe in, breathe out. Focus. Concentrate. Everything's okay.

But things weren't. And I knew it.

I opened my eyes for the fifth time, irritated by my inability to meditate properly. I couldn't take my mind off of Karai's memories. How Shredder made her think that we were murderers, of all things...

"Ugh!" I leaned back against the cherry tree and stared up at the leaves above me. They were much more peaceful, seeing as they were fake, but they didn't have responsibility. They didn't have to make the big decisions that could mean life or death for their families. I had to decide what I would do with Karai, and what I would tell Splinter, and-

"Leonardo? What is the matter?"

Speak of the devil. Sensei walked in through his room and stopped in front of me, his hands clasped gently behind his back. He stared down at me intently with an eyebrow cocked. "You sound distressed."

"Sensei! Hi, just, having trouble meditating," I explained, straightening on the floor. "Nothing's wrong."

He sat directly in front of me and got into his meditating position with his legs crossed. "Let me guide you, then. Clear your mind."

Even though I didn't want to try doing this anymore, I obliged and shut my eyes. Images of the memories kept swimming in my head, but I desperately shoved them away. I tried as hard as I could to make everything still inside of me.

"Breathe deeper, my son. You're hardly taking in air."

I sighed and opened my eyes. "I'm sorry, Sensei, I'm just not feeling it today."

Sensei grunted and narrowed his eyes at me. "There is clearly something on your mind, Leonardo. Why not tell me what it is?"

"Um, it's nothing."

"Leonardo!" he spoke sharply, and I jumped. "Do not lie! That is one of the greatest mistakes one can make!"

I‌ pressed my palms together and tried to center myself to buy some time. What am I supposed to tell him? That his daughter is unconscious in Donnie's lab? And that she thinks we killed a baby? A baby who's supposed to be Shredder's unknown son?

My hands started to shake. Sensei noticed them and eyed me warily. "What is the matter?" he asked, much more softly than before.

I swallowed hard. "We discovered something dangerous. And I‌ don't want to believe it, and I might have made a mistake but I'm not sure-"

Splinter's hand on my shoulder stopped me. "Mistakes are a part of life. Tell me."

"Shredder had a son. But he's dead, and Karai thinks we killed him because that's what he told her."

Sensei stood up and turned around so his back was facing me. He looked to the side, deep in thought. "Hmm." The sound was low in his throat.

"I‌ don't know what to do! She's here in the lair, we found out from her memories."

"She is here?!" He whirled around and stared down at me with wide eyes. "We are in danger!"

I stood up and rushed over to him. "No no, we cleared her of any tracking devices. She's asleep, well, put to sleep by Donnie. We saw into her memories and found out why she attacked me last night. Her brother, not by blood."

He hummed again. "Do the rest of your brothers know?"

I shook my head. "Not yet, I'm still grappling with how to tell them."

"And Y/N? Does she know?"

My mind jumped to her, probably having a great time at college and making lots of new friends. She was out living her life. I couldn't drag her into this mess and take away all of her opportunities. "No, Sensei."

Sensei sighed. "You are planning on telling her, correct?"

"No, Sensei, I can't stress her out about this too! She means too much to me. And this isn't her fight. If something happened to her, because Karai said that Y/N was next! She wants to kill her, Sensei!"

I felt myself slipping out of control. My hands were literally vibrating in front of me, and everything was blurring in front of my eyes.

I need to get out of here.

Barely able to excuse myself, I rushed out of the dojo and went straight to my room, locking the door behind me. I ripped my belt off and threw it to the ground, not caring that my katanas clattered onto the ground. I didn't care about anything, but I cared about everything at the same time.

Hiccupping sobs escaped me. I pressed my hands to my temples to ease the throbbing headache pulsing through my skull. The world was barely visible around me. Air couldn't enter my lungs properly, and I fought to keep breathing.

Mikey can't handle this.

Raph will explode when he hears it.

Donnie's not in a good place, he's still injured.

And Y/N, she'll die.

I ‌let out a loud cry and fell onto my bed, curling up into a fall and holding my knees firm against my chest. The fairy lights from the day before caught my eye through the tears cascading down my face, and I thought of Y/N. How beautiful she was, how lucky I was to even be able to call her mine, and how much I had to lose. Karai was putting me in over my head.

And my family. What if Mikey freaked out when he saw Karai hooked up to those wires? What if he couldn't understand the idea of a dead child, not to mention the fact that it was Shredder's kid? I imagined his broken heart after discovering the truth and how it linked to when April and Casey were...

What about the plans I‌ had to make? I had no idea what the next steps would be after this. What were we going to do about Karai? We couldn't just let her stay here; she was a danger to everyone, especially Y/N. But if we let her go, she would know where the lair was and still plan to hurt us.

The what-ifs were killing me. Every scenario, every choice was bound to go wrong. There was no way out.

I kept sobbing and pulling my legs closer. When I realized that my mask was sticking to my face because of my stupid tears, I almost ripped it off of me and threw it onto the ground.

My heaving breathing and crying muffled the sound of someone knocking on my door. I was trying my best to focus on my breathing to pull myself out of this panic, but every time I ‌tried, everything seemed to fall apart even more. I didn't have a direction anymore. I was a failure as a leader.

And there was no one who could convince me otherwise.