Tandava And Lasya

Before I weep

I feel empty, truly empty
With nothing beautiful that can be spun into sweet words
For you, my Lord. I have lost the touch with you.

Why, I asked if you could send me something, to my dreams
You didn't come and speak to me
Neither send your messenger, or a future vision
I woke up feeling like any other day
Ordinary, in this mortal plane.

Am I not, beyond existence?
I feel I am, I think so, but then...
Who was that man dancing with me, that day in my dreams?
Who was the Kāli, who had come to see me so many times?
Who was that Kartikeya, walking in front of me?

But, is it wrong for me to wish to see more of you?
Why don't you ever come to me, yourself, Shiva?
Am I to wait longer?

I can, but give me the spark of hope
I feel exhausted, so much that I cannot connect anymore
I cannot pen down poems of love for you, my Lord
I fell into a drained pit of darkness, a void of unknown depth
I seek your hand, to lift me up.

Why do I feel drained? Straining myself like a washed cloth, freshly dipped into black water,
Dripping with non-existence
Why, am I so thirsty for you?
Yet, you do not come.

No, no! You don't need to, I can wait
But I need to see your hand, your leg, your chest
Something, that is you, your self
I need to feel
Or else, I feel lost. Again.
And it is not comforting, kind and caring
I feel betrayed, being cruel with me is not right, Lord

Come to me, show me your face!
Before I weep, show me yourself

I have lost the sense of penning down poems
The words have left me
I have no fountain left
My mind is disturbed.

I need to feel you again, once, come to my.

Or else, everything feels like a chaotic cacophony, the shriek of the Devil.