Got my eyes on you

XXVI

Why is it that things get messed up when everything seemed to be okay. My relationship with Alex, his relationship with Brandon. I was happy like I was walking on clouds not until I heard a news. 

I am pacing back and forth in the living room thinking how am I going to tell Alex about his mother. 

"I will meet you next month for the contract signing." Alex emerges from his office room with Brandon trailing behind him with a grin on his face.

"Thank you. I can't wait doing business with you." 

I was like a deer caught on headlights standing at the center of the living room with my phone in between my hands with eyes wide. What would I do? What would I say? 

"Jessica? Are you alright?" Brandon asked scratching the back of his head. Alex's eyes bore unto mine questioningly. His eyes are already seeking answers.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine."

I stared at their retreating backs and tried to construct words how in heck should I tell him about his mother. I don't even know why Mrs. Miller hides her condition from her own son.

"Are you okay?" I jumped in surprise with Alex's voice behind me.

"Huh? N-nothing. I'm okay."

I can't keep stalling at this point. I have to get to the hospital to check on Mrs. Miller.

"Are you sure?" His eyebrows furrowed as he stared at me intently. He is not buying it, I can tell.

"Yes, I--"

We were interrupted when my phone rang. The hospital's name popped out and I'm sure how the air in my lungs were knocked out. His suspicion grew when it took a while for me to answer it and grabbed the phone out of my hands. 

"Hello?"

Alex slowly turned to my direction with a serious and scary yet eyes full of sympathy. Urgency danced in his eyes and with final glare, he turned away and half ran to his room. He came back with his car keys, jacket and wallet before stopping two steps ahead of me.

"I don't trust myself driving alone. You have to go with me, Jessica. We will talk about this later."

I stood there like a statue shaking in fear. I don't know which part should I feel scared. His mother's situation or the fact that I have a lot of explaining thing to do. Shrugging the uncomfortable feeling, I nod and trailed behind him. 

The ride to the hospital is so freakingly awkward. The tension is too thick, it's getting hard to breathe. What ifs clouded my mind staring blankly outside the car window as we passed the line of trees and old houses. What if I had told him about his mother's condition? I realized it will not makes any sense, it's the old woman's request to keep it from him. What if something bad happened to her? No, it can't be. 

I turned my direction to Alex who is now silently driving with his knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel. I can tell he is angry. Maybe angry with me, or with himself. They never had the best relationship as a mother and son, but I can tell he cares for her Mom. I remembered how he hid one picture of him and his mother on his notebook. He loves his mom, only doesn't know how to show it.

We arrived in the hospital with him walking in long strides leaving me behind. Once he felt my absence, he turned around and slowed his pace for me to keep up. Okay, he is not mad as what I expected.

"Alex, I'm sorry--"

"Please Jessica, let's talk about this later. I want to see my Mom first." 

He never met my gaze, his voice hard. I can feel the hammering of my heart on my chest as we slowly made our way to the private ward room.

Two doctors and two nurses greet us blocking the view of the weak old woman. I never made an attempt to step forward and let Alex get in with shaky hands and disheveled hair.

"Are you Mr. William Miller?"

"Yes." he answered in a small voice but his eyes are glued to the person lying on a bed. 

"What happened to her?"

"Her condition got worse and I am afraid to tell that she only have one month to live, Mr. Miller."

"One month? Why? What's her condition?"

The doctors were silent for two seconds and shook their heads in an unpleasant way.

"She has brain tumor large as a fist of a six years old. We can do surgery but we are afraid it will only make her condition worse. We need your permission to do the surgery, Mr. Miller."

"She has been going in and out of this hospital for five years now and i can tell time is wearing her out." the other doctor interjected.

Alex and I were loss for words and don't know how and what to react with the revelation. One month to live? This doesn't makes any sense. She seems okay when we talk over the phone. She even sound chirpier and energetic. I wonder how hard it is to pretend you're okay, when you are not. I never expected it to be this worse.

Alex eyed his sleeping mother with so much sadness in his eyes. "Please do anything you can to save my mother."

That's all he said before his eyes averted to my direction and I feel like I am on my judgment day.

We found ourselves sitting inside the hospital cafeteria with two coffee in front of us.

"Since when have you known her condition." His tone is hard making me feel uncomfortable from sitting in front of him. It's like I just did the biggest mistake in my life.

"During our contract signing. She mentioned she is sick, but I never expected it was this worse. I knew she is having a monthly check up with her doctor, but I promise I never had any idea that she is getting worse. I kept this from you, because it was her wish."

Alex went silent, playing the spoon on his coffee. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose and wiped his hands on her face.

"Alex, I'm sorry. Even I was shocked upon hearing the news. Everythi--"

I was cut off when he swept his coffee and landed on the ground shattered. People are already staring at us. The cafeteria suddenly went silent on his outburst. "Don't you dare say everything will be fine, Jessica. How can you keep this from me? I may not be a good son to her, but I can;t afford to loose a family again." he grunted eyes wide in anger. I cowered at his sudden change in attitude. His hands were shaking and his breathing became shallow. 

"Will, please calm down." I shushed him from grunting and held his hand from clutching the table too tight you can see the veins on it. He is on his manic episode again. I totally forgot that he is a little sensitive and emotional due to his PTSD condition. He may regain his sight back but he is still in his emotional breakdown episodes.

"Don't. Just don't talk to me, Jessica." He made his way out of the cafeteria wobbling. Thankfully, Cole is there to guide him out mouthing me, 'I can handle this. See you at the mansion.'

And just like that, the person that I treasured the most probably hates me to his bones.