The way you should be loved

Chapter Eighteen

Back at work after Christmas. My dad always gave us an extra day off after Christmas. I was sat at my desk in HR. But I am not going to be here for long as I will move onto the next department soon. I was there looking at the same envelope I was given two days ago and still haven't opened it up yet. I look at my name written in his handwriting. I can't bring myself to open it yet. I don't want to know.

"Still not opened it yet I see" replied a voice. I look up and there was Jon standing in the doorway. "We do need to talk about what happened at Christmas".

" Why?".

"Well do you think it was a mistake or not?".

" Don't know. I am confused".

"We do need to talk about it through but not here. We'll talk over lunch" he replies "Plus just read it. What are you scared of?".

" I'm thinking it will be like the one I found on my bed when he left".

"OK got work to do. See you at lunchtime then".

" Bye Jon. See you then".

I went back to looking at the letter. I still don't have the courage to open it. I put it down again and went to start on work I was doing on my computer. I didn't notice Sharon coming over.

"What did my brother want?".

" To talk about what happened at Christmas".

"Oh. What was that?".

" I can't say". She notices the letter on my desk.

"You got his present then".

" Yeah, I did". Showing her the necklace which I was wearing.

"It's beautiful," she says "But you haven't opened that".

" I can't bring myself to do so".

"When the time is right you will".

" Yeah, I know. I'm worried about what is in it".

"It will be ok".

" That's what Jon said".

"Changing the subject. Are you looking forward to your next adventure in this company in another department?".

" I am. But I going to miss you all here in HR".

"You can always come back".

Three more hours and Jon was back to take me to lunch. We go to our usual lunch spot at a diner. Jon always orders a burger with fries like his younger brother would if he was here. Well, we did come here once when we were going out. I ordered a ham and cheese panini with a side of fries.

"Can we talk about the other day, please?".

" Really don't want to Jon".

"Why not? Are you saying it was a mistake? Are you trying to tell me that you kissed me by mistake" he kept asking me "You see him in me, don't you?".

" No. Yes. No. It wasn't like I didn't enjoy it. I did. I am confused".

"I like it too".

" Don't say that?".

"Why not? It's true".

" But".

"But what?".

" It won't feel right".

"Why?" He went to grab my hands.

I move my hand away. "You're his brother".

" Maybe I feel something".

"You like me".

"Bethan, I have been having feelings for you for a month. Well since I have been cheering you at lunch".

I pick at my fries. I really don't want to have this conversation. I look up at Jon. His hazel eyes look so friendly. I can see he wants me to say something. I pick at my panini.

" Are you going to say anything Beth? What are you thinking?".

"I... I don't know. What do you want me to say?".

" Whatever you are feeling about you kissing me and of course me kissing you back".

"I liked it. I want more but I can't".

" Jordan my brother".

"Yes".

" I see" Jon goes back to eating his burger. "Why don't we leave it for now? And see what happens".

" Yea I can do that. I see you more than a friend. But Jordan is still in my mind".

"Ok we can take it slowly and see what happens?" he replies with a smile "But I want to ask you to the company New Year's Eve party, so will you".

" Yes, I will. It was boring at the Christmas party on my own".

"Are you done with your lunch as we better go?".

I nod and get up from our table we were sitting at. I straighten the skirt I was wearing. I wait while Jon pays for lunch. He comes back and picks up his jacket from the bench he was sat on. There is a difference between him and Jordan. Jon looks smart in his white shirt and grey slacks because of work. While his younger brother is always casual in jeans and t-shirts. There was the only time I have seen him like Jon is now when we went for our birthday dinner.

" You ok? Ready" he says looking at me with a concerned look. I nod and smile.

We walk back to his car a black convertible. He walks next to me not wanting to take my hand. I look down at his hand and I take it in my hand. Even his hand engulfs mine. He smiles at me. There is something there. I do see him more than a friend but it's the feelings still of his brother that's preventing me thinking clearly. Jon opens the car door for me.

"Thank you, Jon".

Jon drives back to our work. We sit there in silence. My mind goes back to Christmas Day when we kissed each other. I look out the window watching the world go past. It wasn't long for us to arrive back at Mead & Knight Bytes Tech. Jon parks up in his space and cuts the engine off.

" We better go or we will be trouble for being late back from lunch".

"It's fine" I look at him. "Thank you for lunch". I lean over and give him a peck on his cheek. I pull back but get stopped by Jon. Now it's him that leans into me. And he gives me a kiss on the lips. I pull back. " What happened to see what would happen?". He shrugs and kisses me again pulling me closer to him but his hands on my waist. I move to bring my arms around his neck. We break our kiss. It's so gentle compared to... Don't think it Bethan.

"Better go". We both get out of the car.

" Can we still take it as it comes".

"Of course. See you later". He gives me a quick on the lips before he goes in the opposite direction. I watch him go before I turn around to walk back to the HR office.

I get back to my desk and noticed the letter on the desk. I moan and put the letter back in my bag. So I don't see it.

" Please Jordan don't judge me". What am I going to do? Do I like Jon more than a friend?