Trust You [TRUE STORY]

Not a chapter but just a general announcement

It has been more than a year since I updated or posted a single thing on this book. I think it's about time I let you guys know how things are.

I've received countless of messages from you guys through my message board, through the comments on this book and private messages in the past year. Firstly I want to say that not one of your messages were left unread. I want you all to know that I read every single paragraph that you all spent time to send me. To all the private messages, I responded to every single one with all of the energy I can muster.

I want to thank you all for your kind messages. For telling me what to care more about and how to ignore what's going on or what's been happening ever since. Thanking you all is obviously not enough and I honestly wish I could do more. But for now, I want you to know I'm truly grateful. I love you guys, please know this.

Now here's why I'm writing this now.

Unfortunately, I will not be continuing this book. I know, trust me, I really know how many people I'm disappointing. It's been more than a year and some of you have read this book a multitude of times until I can update again. I'm flattered to the highest extent but I can't. I'll tell you why and I'll just pray that you understand. I'm a reader myself, I love reading books. When my favorite author or book is discontinued, I get really anxious and angry. Trust me, I know how you feel. I really do. But hear me out please. The last thing I want to do is upset you guys.

I've realized something during these tough times of the pandemic. I've had a lot of time to myself and a lot of time to reflect. I realized about a few months ago that the "i'm a lil pissed" chapter that I wrote was probably unreasonable and that I should have expected this. When I wrote "trust you", I didn't expect anyone to read it. I was a very small account with very little followers. Seeing as overnight, people were reading it is what shocked me.

Now I know someone would say, "But Emaan, why would you write a book if you thought no one would read it?"

The answer is simple. The book was for myself. I'm a bookworm, I read a lot. I decided why not put my writing into use and write something about myself. It was stupid.

When I wrote "I'm a lil pissed" which is the chapter before this, I wrote it out of anger. All the people and screenshots I referred were all there because of how angry I was that people would even message me these things. But I realized later on that I shouldn't be. I'm the one who put my story out in the open for everyone to see. I'm the one who completely forgot that Wattpad, and the internet can be insensitive. I should have expected all of this. The reason why people are judging me is because I gave them a reason to. I wrote a book with all of my husband's mistakes and mine as well.

People read my book knowing it's a true story so when I mess up, they'll think that way about me, the writer.

I can't blame you guys. It's a natural human instinct to judge someone. I gave you all the chance to do that to me. However, I decided I wouldn't give anymore chances for anymore people to do that.

I know a lot of you told me to ignore what these people are saying and that I should focus on updating the book for people who genuinely love me and my writing. That's true, I should. And I feel very selfish for not doing it. However, I don't see the need to put a lot of effort, a lot of time on something that I know people would give me backlash for. Why would I spend hours of my day committing to something that people would judge me for? That people would send me messages on my personal Instagram to bash me?

This book isn't even famous. It hasn't blown up, yet I'm so surprised with the kind of feedback I've gotten.

Like I said, I feel so selfish. How could I do this to you guys? Books are like drugs, you get addicted and you can't stop. If you got addicted to my book I want to deeply apologize. I didn't mean for you to get addicted. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I love you though. Every single one. I really do, I'm not just saying this and I love you guys because you opened my eyes to a part of me I didn't even know about.

I'm keeping this book posted up because it's a lesson that I need to remind myself for. A lesson about the internet and how not everything should be put out in the open.

THIS MESSAGE IS FOR THE PEOPLE I INSPIRED:

- I didn't know I inspired anyone until you messaged me and told me. I didn't know I inspired anyone to go on their own pages and write about their personal lives. I want to thank you for even thinking of me as an inspiration. That I motivated you to keep going. Thank you.

- for those who were motivated by my sexual assault story, please be vocal about yours. Your story must be heard! Everyone should know how you feel, what you've been through. You deserve justice, you deserve rights. Don't let anyone silence you. If you've been a subject to a crime like rape, or any form of sexual assault please speak up. If your story doesn't matter to your family, it certainly matters to me! If you feel comfortable, message me about it. I can definitely give you tips on how to overcome and how to try and overcome.

- to those who I gave hope to about a successful marriage. I've heard many stories about you all. I love it. I'm so happy I got the chance to inspire you. I'm so glad I was able to give you hope. Always be hopeful. My marriage is successful and inshallah, so will yours. Ameen. I love you.

-to those who aren't muslim and read my book and actually attempted to understand everything, I LOVE YOU. Like I don't think anyone would understand how much I do. You make me so happy. To know that you liked my book?? It feels amazing.

This journey was amazing.

OKAY NOW TO EVERYONE WHO WANTS THE SPOILER TO THE CLIFF HANGER ON WHO THE CASHIER WAS:

It was my mom's friend's son from high school. We originally met in Islamic classes. He used to like me in grade school and Yassef thought he still carried feelings, which he did because he told me a few nights before my birthday. Yassef got mad, didn't talk to me for a while. Eventually we talked again and he forgave me for not telling him about that guy. He recognized it wasn't even my fault for the guy's feelings. Then he let me work for him at the store, we made money together, we made a good team, cracked up some jokes, got the news that Estaban would be convicted of sexual assault, we had a year of trials that we later on won, him and I were a lot more open and the day we won the case was the same day he told me he loved me :)

There you go.

And for those asking why trust you is called "trust you". Well... I don't know if you were attentive throughout the book or not but Yassef always trusted me. From the very beginning, he trusted me.

He let me wear my hijab the way I wanted to, never cared to look into my phone, let me go to work ( even though his approval wasn't necessary), let me wear makeup all I wanted, dress the way I wanted. He cared about me enough to tell me what I was doing wrong but trusted that I would change.

I asked him if he really cares about me and he said: "yes. I just don't say much because I trust you."

And that's  when I decided that trust is the most important part about a relationship.

The end. LOVE YOU

-CREAMAAN.