BACK TO YOU (Fully Updated)

Chapter 9: Cailley

© rainthereader 2012 All Rights Reserved

Chapter 9

Cailley

I hurriedly went inside my room and closed the door softly, my heart beating so fast it hurt.  My feet couldn't even manage to walk toward the bedside lamp because my knees would give out any moment.  Leaning my body on the door for support, I held my chest with both hands and took one deep, calming breath.

Lucas kissed me.

Lifting two fingers, I touched my mouth.  It was still warm and a little puffed-up.  I closed my eyes and tried to recall everything that just happened.  From seeing his relieved expression when he saw me on the swing, to his apology, and to our kiss. 

I didn't know what came over me, but it just felt so right to kiss him back.  The second his lips closed on mine a voice in my head began urging me to respond to him, that what we were doing was okay.  And so the weakling in me gave in and allowed it to happen.

The way Lucas kissed me was achingly familiar.  It was as if he'd already done it countless of times.  It was effortless, the way he moved and held me and whispered in my ear... It was perfect.  And wrong.

It was all wrong.

Finally accomplishing to walk towards the bed, I lay down, never making the effort to turn the lamp on.  I needed to sweep the fog in my brain and think clearly and sort out my emotions.  Three things came to mind:

First of all, I was the nanny.  Nannies shouldn't go around kissing their employers.  Okay, technically Lucas was not my employer, his sister was.  But still.  It was very unprofessional on my part to do so. 

Second, he had a girlfriend.  It was not a great idea going after someone's boyfriend, and what I just did was so out of character. 

Third, we just met.  I shouldn't be walking around kissing the first guy I chanced upon.  It was foolish.  Outrageous.  Irrational.  But why did I kiss him back?

Because you're attracted to him, that's why.

I had to be honest.  I was attracted to Lucas.  The first time I saw him there was a tug deep in my chest.  There was something in his presence that simply made me want to be close to him, but I just couldn't name what it was.  Even if there were times in the two short days that he was being hostile and unfriendly, I still wanted to reach out and be favorable, be a good person in his eyes.

But even if my feelings for him were like this, I knew it was unethical to be responding to him the way I just did.  I had morals.  And whatever his reasons were for kissing me tonight, it would be better if I just ignored them.  Besides, being the mercurial person that he was, he'd probably forgotten that the whole thing ever happened.

I'd just sleep this out, and hope that tomorrow everything would be back to normal.

********

It was five-thirty in the morning.

I didn't wait for the alarm clock to ring its usual six am schedule.  I couldn't sleep.  I tossed and turned on the bed, counted sheep, sang nursery rhymes and closed my eyes.  Nothing happened.  The whole night I kept envisioning scenarios on how I would act the moment Lucas entered the kitchen.  Would I smile and talk to him?  Immediately offer him breakfast?  Or pretend nothing happened?

The agony.

I brushed, showered, dried my hair and applied my usual light make-up.   Choosing to wear a white turtleneck blouse and denim, I then slipped on my suede moccasins and went downstairs to cook breakfast.  Lizzie won't be up until around eight am, and Lucas, I had no idea what time he'll wake up.  For the meantime I'll just keep myself busy to drain the skittish thoughts away.