Glock 40s and Ribbons

Chapter 13

I walked through Jersey freezing apartment wrapped in a sweater of his. My hair was disheveled and my nose was red. It had been two months since our ''mini' breakup and I still wasn't in 100%. He refused me the space I needed to find forgiveness so instead I harbored I'll feelings towards him and Ashley. However I was 12 weeks pregnant and trying my damnest to make my family to be work. I definitely saw my errors in moving so fast. Q had it out for me sending threatening messages, harassing America, he finally got the hint to stop going to the school because I had transferred to a local charter school here in Brooklyn but put off starting because Jersey felt I should focus on bringing him a healthy baby.

This baby was kicking my ass I was sick majority of the time. Barely making it out of bed. I had lost a significant amount of weight and the doctor had moved me over to high risk until we figured out why I was losing so much weight. I wanted to tell her I knew why. I was stressed. Every time Jersey left my sight I was worried. Although I knew his infidelities had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him I couldn't stop my brain from wondering.

"Hey pretty." America said as I opened the door for her. I knew I was looking a hot ass mess but I accepted the compliment anyway.

"I miss you soooo much. Help me pack we can run away together." I laughed half jokingly. Truth is I wanted out even if temporarily. Jersey acted like he didn't notice the distance but he just wanted me here he didn't care if I was here and unhappy.

"Girl you know like I know your husband will be waiting when we land. Ol inspector gadget ass." She laughed as we went to the bathroom where she ran me a nice hot bath. "We gone get you back to yourself this weekend. He cheated okay you've punished you and him enough Killani. You really think he don't know that you don't want to be here and he just take it because he rather be miserable with you than separated again." I sighed she was right. I needed to let it go if I claimed to had forgiven him. Holding on just made me a liar.

After bathing washing my hair America blowed it out and pressed it straight. I was looking back like myself my belly looked bloated but that was about as close as I got to a baby bump. I was so in love with my little person. That was something Jersey and I both agreed on our love for our baby. I spent the weekend with my best friend and it was just what I needed.

"Hey bae." I said as Jersey walked into the room his eyes lit up when he looked at me. That made me feel like shit it was evident I had been being a bitch to him.

"You up late ma. You good acid reflux still fucking with you?" He asked leaning over kissing my lips. I grabbed his face deepening the kiss.

"No I just missed you. Figured you were coming in late to avoid me." I said as he smirked.

"Nah just been busy trying to get shit into play so I can get out the game by the time baby boy get here." He looked up at me with this eyes. Lord his eyes made me weak.

"How you know it's not a girl." I laughed lightly as he rubbed and kissed on my belly.

"Whatever it is as long as it's healthy I'll be happy." He kissed my belly then my lips. "I'm about to shower so we can get some sleep." He stood up pulling his shirt over his head.

"I want to come." I spoke softly as he looked over his shoulder nodding his head in signal to come on. I smiled jumping up tome for the making up.

4:23 am

"Ohhhhhmygaaaaaaaaah" I screamed loudly as a sharp pain shot through my back and asshole.

"Bae." Jersey jumped up cutting the light on just as another pain came through.

"Jerssssssssey!" I screamed throwing my head back. This couldn't be happening. I pulled the cover back and threw up instantly. My tiny little baby laid their on the bed as clumps of fleshy pieces covered the bed as well. Jersey mouth was wide open as tears silently rolled down his cheeks. This just set us back 100 steps. I just wanted to die right along with my baby. Everything was a blur after the paramedics rushed in pronouncing our baby boy dead due to miscarriage.

"Killani. You have to eat." America said sitting in the edge of the bed. The very bed I lost my son in the very bed Jersey refused to come back too.

"America I'm so sad." I said as the tears burned my eyes before spilling down onto the pillow. I've cried so much on surprised my tear ducts ain't stopped working. "Why me man. My baby didn't deserve that. I didn't even feel myself push him out." I cried harder. This had been me the last two weeks since leaving the hospital. A mess. America had yet to leave my side. I wouldn't want anyone else here but her. I just didn't know how I was going to carry on with everything hitting me at once. Maybe this was a sign that Jersey and I wasn't suppose to be. First he cheat on me then I stress that so hard I lose my baby. I was building resentment towards him for coming in and fucking my life up. I blamed him deep down inside. America said it was my hormones but I honestly didn't know who else to blame.

"Babe this is a random thing that happens randomly all the time. Stop blaming yourself and stop blaming that man. Let's eat." She said standing up I rolled over pulling the cover over my head. I just wanted to sleep.