adjectives | reddie

fifteen - hurt

i watched as snow fell from the window slowly. nobody was outside; the only noise was the christmas music playing softly from my radio. a small smile fell on my face as my eyes followed the small snowflakes. i pulled the collar of richie's jacket over half of my face. i closed my eyes as i breathed in the familiar scent of watermelon. the clock on my night stand read 7:23. the sun hadn't come out yet. the black sky was only illuminated by the various stars and the moon.

messy hair fell over my eyes for a brief moment, but when i moved the strands away, i noticed a familiar figure ride by on his bike. richie wore warm clothes as the wind blew slightly through his soft curls. he pushed up his glasses subconsciously as they started to fall down. i watched as his eyes glanced at my house quickly.

as he started to head more down the street, i felt myself almost instinctively open the window. "richie," i whisper-shouted, leaning out the window. he spun his bike around and looked at me with a small smile. i felt my lips curl up into a wider smile than before. i climbed out my window again, following the procedure that became like a second nature to me. once my feet were planted on the ground, i made my way over to him, shivering lightly.

"you're gonna freeze your tits off!" he remarked quietly. a small laugh rolled out of my mouth almost immediately, grabbing onto his arm; he didn't pull away, however. he kept his arm there. i leaned on it lightly as he grabbed onto his bike and led it down the street. we walked silently in the snow covered street. plows hadn't come yet. almost annually, everyone would have to stay home because the only plows came from out of town. it was the students' luck if it was a day they were supposed to have school.

i noticed how the scent of watermelon was no longer there. he smelled of cinnamon. it must have been seasonal.

"what are you doing out here, eds?" richie asked quietly. his eyes looked at the nothing beyond. his glasses fell slightly, so i reached up and readjusted them for him with a small smile.

"i saw you, idiot," i laughed lightly, hitting his shoulder softly. he shook his head with a laugh; his hair swayed lightly with his motions. we walked along the street in sweet silence silence. snowflakes fell on our eyelashes. 

i sucked in a breath. "you know," i said quietly, "i think about that night when you interpreted that poem sometimes." richie looked over at me. he had small smile spread across his face as the words finished coming out of my mouth.

"uh huh?" he leaned back and forth as he walked playfully, causing a small laugh to escape out of my mouth. i dug my head into his arm with a small chuckle. warmth radiated off of him as my arms wrapped more tightly around his. he didn't seem to mind, though.

"yeah," i said, "i guess you're not the trashmouth, i thought of you to be."

richie's arm shook out of my own as he stepped back. the smile that was once placed on his defined face dropped.

hurt

a mix of guilt and fear rose in me; it suffocated me as i looked into richie's haunted eyes. my breath hitched, but i didn't seem to worry about the air that came and went from my body; instead, i stared at the staggered condensation that slowly came from richie's lungs. the lamps on the street illuminated richie's porcelain face. his brown eyes became glossy. golden rays swam through them as the lamp hit them perfectly.

"richie-" i started, but was soon cut off.

"the trashmouth you thought of me to be?" he asked softly, "what was this? what is this? are we even friends?"

"yes! we are now!"

"now?" richie's eyes hit mine, and it felt like a million needles. his expression caused a pit to form in my stomach suddenly. "what were we? why did you talk to me?"

"i..." i said blankly. "i..." the words repeated. "i wanted to know you and beverly."

"bullshit!" richie accused, sticking out his finger towards me. his eyes were almost out of their sockets, "you wanted to support whatever the fuck bill's agenda with beverly was! you had me wrapped around your finger, and to think i thought-"

richie cut himself off. his eyes fell away from mine; they softened lightly, not daring to look back up at mine. i noticed that his fists were clenched, his fingernails dug into his palms deeply. i grabbed his hands, pulling each finger away from his palms. he took a deep breath in, looking down at our hands. i felt his hands squeeze my own lightly and then let go, leaving an absence in my cold hands.

"what?" i ducked my head to make richie's eyes meet with mine. his focused stayed on me as i stood back up straight. "and to think what?"

"goodbye, eddie."

the words hit my face like a punch. they fell out of richie's lips ever so softly, but it felt like he had spit them out. my thoughts flew around like a winter storm, but i felt choked. my eyes only stared as richie struggled to ride away on his bike. all warmth that once surrounded me was gone. all i had was the jacket that smelled of watermelon. however, i missed the smell of cinnamon. i watched as richie rode away quickly, not bothering to look behind him. my heart ached terribly while my eyes only stared sadly. a wall broke down around me.

a single tear rolled down my face quietly as i turned back towards my house. then, a couple more fell down with it. i ran to my house quickly, running to the backyard and entering the house from the sliding door. my body slid down the door as soon as i closed it. the house somehow felt colder than the winter season outside of the insulated walls. i missed richie.

the violent wave of emotions came with no warning. it was as if richie had me wrapped around his little finger. he overtook my thoughts like an embarrassing middle school memory, and his resentment suddenly made me cry like a toddler whose toys were stolen from them. he made me feel a lifetime of ways within just a few moments of it all. my mind raced when he would say the most stupid words, and my heart would swell just thinking about his face.

i wiped a frozen tear off my face as a couple more streamed down to replace it.

i made my way upstairs and fell onto my bed, letting out the final tears before crashing. the final moments before i fell out of consciousness felt like a final middle finger to everything. to richie, to winter, and to my feelings.

fuck feelings, and fuck winter.