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sixteen - fine

"c-cuh-come uh-on, eh-eh-eddie!" bill urged, frustrated by my stubbornness. i laid on my bed silently. my eyes were glued to the ceiling as i held back the urge; the urge to scream, cry, or laugh maniacally.

"he's not going to go, william," stanley let out a long sigh, "we might as well leave now."

"no," bill refused, "i a-am nuh-n-not g-going to that g-guh-gah-goddamn party wi-without him."

"well then you might as well not go then," i mumbled, "because i'm not going."

"your boyfriend is going to be there," stanley claimed, "he's not excited about this either according to beverly. might i ask why?"

"first off," my body finally turned over so i could look at stanley, "richie is not my boyfriend."

a slight laugh fell from bill's mouth before he composed himself again. i exchanged an unamused expression towards him before looking back up at the ceiling. the water-damaged ceiling gave me comfort in a twisted sort of way; it was indescribable. its stillness gave me a sense of calm and security. light let in through the window that i would have walked out of before three days ago. since then, i never left my room except to take care of my hygiene and go to one day of school; i never saw richie outside my house either.

"secondly," i started again, "how should i know what he's doing? i don't follow him around like a little puppy!"

"i think," stanley piped up again, "you do know! if that wasn't obvious enough."

"and w-wuh-what is muh-more ah-ah-ob-obvious is tha-that yuh-yuh-yuh-you are going to hang out at ben's place!"

"can i at least invite mike?" i sighed, looking over at the two. they both gave me confused looks, not knowing who mike was. "farm boy," i explained, and both their mouths shaped into 'o's.

when i called mike and he picked up his phone, i heard his tiny lamb make the smallest sound. mike let out a small laugh before answering, "hello?"

"hi mike," i said with a bored tone, eyeing over at stanley and bill, who were flirting on the couch.

"jesus," another laugh escaped from mike, "you sound like you just escaped from hell."

"well," i let out a deep sigh, "you could say i'm still in it."

my eyes trailed back to the pair in front of me. stanley let out a small laugh at something bill whispered into his ear. he exposed his white teeth and leaned his head onto bill's shoulder comfortably. with a sigh, i turned towards the wall. "where are you?" mike asked.

"i'm currently at my house, but i'm leaving soon. can you meet me at one of my friend's house?"

mike agreed, so i quickly gave him ben's street and what his house looked like. i wanted so badly for mike to give some attitude or make an unfunny joke about my mom like richie would, but mike, being mike, was friendly and sweet the entire time.

"okay," i said, "see-ya!"

"bye, eddie."

the click of the other line hit my ears til the sweet sound of disconnection ran through the phone. i put the phone back on its wall aggressively, making bill and stanley look in my direction. "is he coming?" stanley asked simply. i nodded in response before heading upstairs to change into a better outfit.

searching through my closet absent-mindedly, a small grimace was slapped across my face. i dreaded the thought of being with everyone after not seeing ben, beverly, and mike since before the incident and had not seen richie since the incident. seeing richie's face made my heart rate increase and my throat dry up. my heart wanted to see him so badly, but my mind told me that i should be angry and that he would not want to see me anyways. my mind felt like an overheated room; it felt like a sweatshop.