adjectives | reddie

thirty - alright

"come on, you idiot," i shook richie's arm, "it's just the park!" my hands wrapped around his wrist tightly, dragging him down the sidewalk in a fast pace. richie's face was tired, and his pace was slow. the bottoms of his shoes thumped loudly on the concrete.

snow was starting to melt on the early march days, and puddles were made from the melted snow and ice. grey clouds covered the once blue sky, reflecting onto richie's pale skin. my temper had disappeared for the moment, so i wanted nothing more than to finally be able to walk on the visible green grass and sit on a bench in the park. richie, on the other hand, was not excited. he wanted to turn around, return to his bed, cuddle into the blankets, and sleep soundly past nine in the morning. his groans never stopped me, however; instead, i dragged him towards the center of town, knowing everyone would wait until the day was sunny or at least noon to leave the comfort of their heated homes.

the judgment of the town was something everyone had to endure, but no one wanted to fix it. almost everyone experienced it in their own way; a certain criteria had to be filled to be derry's model citizen, but no one was perfect enough. being gay was probably one of the worst things to be in small town america behind dating someone of a different enticing and in front of being literal hitler.

continuing down the sidewalk with richie loosely attached to me by our hands, i felt a small raindrop fall on my head, but as soon as it hit my face, it was off of my head. the anticipation for a heavier downfall came and went simply after a few moments. i trusted that whatever higher force that was or wasn't there would allow me to spend time in the park with dark clouds overhead instead of cold rain falling from them.

when i looked over at richie again, he was unfazed, clearly not feeling a single drop. his feet dragged along the ground as his eyes were glued to the pavement below them. world seemed to be moving slowly in the world in his head. he looked bored.

drowsy

"richie," i whispered. he looked up at me with his tired, brown eyes looked up at me in a quick flash. my hand raised to gently brush back a piece of hair that fell in front of his face. "do you want to go back?" i asked in a hushed tone despite the absence of noise around us. richie paused for a moment before letting out a quick, gentle laugh. his arm slung around my shoulder and pulled me close.

"whatever you want to do eds," he exchanged a small smile, "i'm happy doing it with you."

a large grin grew on my face as i shook my head and looked forward towards the penobscot river. i felt the anticipation rise up in me as i heard the water run down the stream. i remembered the constant warnings from my mother throughout the years. "never," she warned, "cross that river."

as soon as i reached the end of the river with richie by my side, i felt my feet come to a halt. my eyes stared down at the small glimmers in the water with a slight feeling of hesitation rise in me. penobscot was the end of derry, and the other side was somewhere totally different. "just skip the rocks," richie suggested, squeezing my hand tightly. he walked on top of one, letting go of my hand. when he finally reached the other side, he turned back to me. "are you coming, eds?"

i didn't respond, however; i just started to hop from one stone to another, ignoring the chances of me falling into the freezing cold river. when i finally landed on the other side of the water, the warnings of my mother escaped my thoughts like ghosts. i looked over at richie with a wide smile, as if i was a preschooler ready to learn the alphabet. "i did it," i laughed with shock laced into my voice. the laugh became more hysterical sounding after a slight pause. richie chuckled softly and shook his head with a small smile. his hand grabbed mine again, continuing into the trees.

"you really did," richie agreed, looking up at the grey covered skies. he leaned his head on top of my own, focusing on the path of nature ahead. his free hand touched different trees and picked the different leaves off of them. "i missed the leaves," richie whispered, "color is always nice in this boring ass town." i hummed for a moment, closing my eyes and hugging richie closely.

a long moment of silence fell between us. we walked slowly through the forest until we saw a large field of grass leading up to the next town, brewer. its colors were the same as every other small town america. the dust from its old buildings, similar to derry, suffocated you until you wanted to leave. though, the brewer population was more dense.

i imagined some girl our age sitting out on her porch watching different teens pass by. —

it was far away, but everything you needed to know spoke for itself just on the outside. i sucked a breath in, looking away from the town and towards richie. "you ever think we're gonna be normal?" i asked softly. "like, live somewhere with a daughter?"

"i don't fucking know," richie laughed, "we're not even technically dating, eds."

he was right; we never brought it up. it was as if we forgot all about it— like we were just friends again. we didn't know what to do, but i knew i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. i wanted to say something, anything, but i felt trapped in some kind of fear. i felt safe where we were. "i want to turn around, richie," i said suddenly. i looked up at his adjective for a moment. the word above changed. it started as 'hopeful' but quickly changed to something else.

crushed

i tried my best to ignore it, but the tension grew as he realized i saw it. we walked back silently, feeling the awkward silence suffocate us. i felt like i was going to throw up. richie finally spoke up again, "you know how i feel, so are we just gonna pretend that i'm not— not..."

"crushed," i finished the sentence, stopping right in front of the river. i stared down at it, soaking in the silence. i wanted to pretend like i was okay, but i saw my adjective through the reflection in the water.

confused.

"two lovers and a beachcomber by the real sea," richie looked down at the running water again. i saw a smile for a brief moment. a sad laugh escaped his lips almost like it was just an automatic thing.

"i'm just scared," i finally blurred out, "i feel like you'll lose your mind because of the way i am."

"i think we'll be just fine."

"you're one of those idiots who thinks things really are going to turn out all right."

"with you? of course."

"so," i grabbed his hand, staring down at our reflection. i felt almost every bad feeling fall away as i the sudden courage rose. "how does it work with two guys?"

richie laughed with a smile, "boyfriend and boyfriend?" i watched as his adjective changed again.

alright

"perfect."