Marie Lives in the Friend Zone

Journal Entry 7 - Confessions

My sleeping schedule has been completely flipped upside down.

9 AM - 6 PM: the new sleeping cycle.

Now I can eat only twice every after sleep cycle, and some snacks if I'm in the mood. There's no point calling them 'day' and 'night' now. I can't tell the difference anymore.

Are you guys just starting your day, or just getting off? Yes, that line was from Baby Driver.

My lordie, what if I've developed a case of insomnia?

This might be controversial, but I miss school. I miss being productive.

I miss school, I miss complaining about it.

When we had our research project months ago, it was very exhausting and all the students pulled all-nighters for weeks. Not a day went by when I didn't curse and wish summer would last forever, wishing to sleep on my bed until the afternoon. 

I take it back. Wrong wish, genie!

Ugh, research period is so stressful. Some teachers got mad at us for prioritizing the research subject that we were failing at theirs. Sir Omar gave us the cold shoulder for almost a month. He was a generous, warmhearted person. That's why upsetting these types of people make you feel twice as guilty.

This ended on a class open forum, where the students voice out their problems with other students. Sir Omar told us about his struggles as a teacher, and some students shared their life problems too. Hades decided to speak up, he felt obliged to as the President of the class, about how his Aunt has cancer.

We live in the same neighborhood, but that was his aunt (May's) house. His aunt (Sally), who was on the other side of the country, had been paying for his expenses when his dad died on an accident years ago. I was curious as to why he always, without fail, go to the city every Friday. He stays with his mom and 3 brothers for the weekend.

So at that night, he shared to the class how his aunt has this type of cancer. Couldn't life get any better? He was crying as he spoke, not a care in the world on how it must've looked.

Later he personally told me the story of how his dad died, and there was to stopping the tears in our eyes. I cried like a moron. Hades didn't arrive in time to the hospital to say goodbye. His uncle kept shaking his dad to, "Wake up, your kids need you, goddamnit!"

His family was already broken even before his dad died. "Dad said he wished he'd just die so this family would be happy again. That he was only in the way of their happiness." One night his dad, though I never really knew his name, got drunk and Hades could feel something didn't feel right. It was like he was saying a wordless goodbye. That was the night he had the accident.

That was when it came to me how he set two personalities at home and at school. He seemed childish, and brash and careless because when he gets home, the weight of being the eldest son and becoming the "man in the house" at such a young age had too many responsibilities to bear.

I wanted to reach out for his hand since we sat beside each other. But just like the rest of the class, we were too busy wiping our own snot and tears.

That night was a such roller coaster. I hugged him, Persephone hugged him, it was a class hug fest. And then he finally confessed to her.

Dash, Flynn and the rest of the guys watched him and Persephone talking inside the classroom. I knew something was going on because the boys were giggling and shushing each other.

Hades was so smooth.

"Hey, you see this fan?" He lifts up Monte's hand fan into view. "I like this fan. Anyway, I liked you too," he patted her shoulder, smiled awkwardly and made a beeline for the door.

The guys laughed and cheered at him and he rambled on how nervous he has was but finally did it. I stood by the door waiting for Andy, near the shoe rack where he grabbed his shoes.

"Come on, Marie, aren't you gonna say something like 'Congrats you finally did it!'. Where's the support?" He was grinning.

"Ok, congrats you finally did it." I was grinning back.

"Do you wanna know why I confessed to her?" I asked why. "I only ever confess my feelings when I don't have them anymore."