Beat

SC: REASON

[Would like to dedicate this chapter to my favorite people in the internet. Miss Arenjungla, thank you for being one of my source of motivation and courage. To my fave spazzers, P'Type Jirakit, Melon, and Youn Baudelaire. Though, we don't know each other personally and I may appear a bit fc, I really appreciate all of you. Keep going na kha. Take care!]

Gulf's

As I went back to the dorm, a little tipsy, I stumbled upon the stairs but immediately stood up, afraid that someone might see me like this.

I even had a hard time opening the door because I can't put the key inside, but I was able to open it eventually.

Again, I stumbled upon entering the room so I had to crawl towards my bed.

Think I had gone too far tonight that I've pushed myself beyond my alcohol tolerance.

It's because of what Mild said.

He reminded me of my Dad, making me want to brushed off the thought of him by drinking too much.

I really hate it when someone had triggered my memory about that person.

He was supposed to be long forgotten.

But I also understand that Mild is unaware about my issues with my Dad so I don't have a choice but to just keep it to myself.

I removed my shoes using my feet and then fished my phone in my pocket to check what time is it.

It's already 1:00 am in the morning. It's probably 1:00 pm there. She's probably awake.

I tried dialing my Mom's number. After a few rings, someone answered the other line but I'm certain that it's not Mom.

It's her personal therapist.

The one that I hired to take care of her 24/7 while she stays in the States.

I decided to move her there just so she could get the best treatment for her condition.

"Hello, Sir Gulf?" The therapist said so I cleared my throat before speaking.

"How's everything there? Is there any improvement?" I asked her. It was then I heard her sigh and that speaks of bad premonition for me.

"Still the same, Sir. She won't talk to anyone. Still staring at nowhere. But she called your name this morning, seems like she had dreamed of you." I can feel my tears welling up just by hearing my Mom's condition from the therapist.

I tried to hold my sniffles and immediately wiped the tears that had escaped my eyes.

I got up from my bed and decided to sit on my solo couch for a while.

I can't help but to smile bitterly as I recall how we ended up this way.

"Can you please tell her that I called?" I asked and the therapist immediately responded. After that, I decided to end the call and just stare into nothingness.

My Mom had been like this for 6 years already. I decided to move her to the States just so she could get the best treatment from the psychological experts. But there's still no progress.

It all happened 6 years ago. When my Dad said that he'll be out of the country for some overseas transaction and that he'll only be fine for three days.

But that was the biggest lie that I've ever heard.

Cause he never came back for us.

The next thing I knew, he had already filed a divorce papers for him and Mom.

And what's worst, my Mom signed it. As if there's nothing to lose.

Later, I found out that he actually have a mistress and they flew far away from me and my Mom just so we can't bother him anymore.

He left everything.

Our business.

His wife and his son as if they are just nothing but a burden to him.

If it wasn't because of Uncle Type, my Mom's brother, we wouldn't be able to carry on.

He's the one managing the business now as I was still studying and it's also obvious that my Mom can't handle it.

My mom had developed Dysthymia.

She had lost the will to live.

She suffered from her husband's unfaithfulness but had no choice but to keep it to herself because she's worried that I wouldn't be able to handle such pain.

She kept everything all by herself causing her to permanently remain silent.

I can feel my tears rolling down my cheeks as I think of how my Mom suffered from a cheater.

Many questions runs in my head and most of them remained unanswered.

One of that questions is why did my father cheat?

What does cheating feels like?

And I know for a fact that the answer will not easily come at me unless I try it.

So here I am now.

My father made me like this.

He left me and my mom and I had to see my Mom suffer.

"When will you get better, Mom? You're the only one that I'm holding onto." I know that saying these things was just a nuisance cause no one can ever hear my pleas.

That night, I spent the time crying. Letting all out for once just before it could get heavy.

Needed to let off some steam after remembering how my father managed to left his family behind for another woman.

But come to think of it.

Cheating.

It is indeed satisfying.

Call me hypocrite by being mad at my Dad while doing the same thing he did but I don't care.

This is the way I cope up with all these bullshits.

By playing the game my Dad had played.