Beat

Chapter 18

Gulf's

"Aren't you afraid that you'll go to rust, Gulf? I mean, it's already three weeks that you haven't dated someone! That is so not you!" The busybody Mawin said before gulping down his beer and all I can do is give him a stern look but did not utter any word either.

They've been asking me such question for the past 3 weeks now and I'm at my limit, seriously. Not because I felt insulted or what but because I don't know the answer either!

It's been 3 weeks since Mew came and I don't think it's a coincidence that I've also lost my interest on playing with other girls after he came to the picture. I've been trying to avoid looking at him because I feel like my feeling's in danger and also because I can clearly see that he doesn't like me being around him.

We haven't been in this bar for 2 weeks, yet Tong invited us this morning because it's his birthday and who am I to decline my best senior's invitation? And so, I had no choice but to come here at the bar and be anxious all the time just because I'm worried that I might see Mew and feel weirs once again just like what's happening to me for the past weeks whenever our gazes met.

I am aware that this is no usual awkwardness. There's really something that only Mew can make me feel and I refused to name it. Cause this is the freaking first time! I am not dumb not to notice some changes within myself for the past weeks. A lot of girls tried hitting on me but it must be really a miracle that I refused to entertain all of them!

I don't know what's happening to me and I don't even know if I can ever have the guts to step forward and find out what's happening.

I'm too scared to name this feelings. I'm afraid of knowing what it is and eventually embrace it until I couldn't let go of it.

But one thing that's sure ia that it's all because of Mew.

And the mere fact that it's Mew makes me feel more horrible.

Cause of all people that could make me feel this way, why does it have to be the one who hates me?

This feels like a suicide, really.

"Aow, what is AA doing here? Did Tong invited him?" I looked at where Boat is looking and saw AA at the corner table with some girls. Two of the girls who's with him are just one of those who tried hitting on me for the past weeks but to no avail. But he seems to be distracted and is looking around as if searching for someone and I'm dead sure that he's looking for that person that I've been praying not to bumped into tonight.

I'm not so sure about my heart's security if ever I see him but I'm also aware that it's impossible for me not to notice him because admit it or not, my eyes are involuntarily looking for him even if I already told myself not to.

And besides, amidst of this crowd, I'm sure that he'll still stand out. Because aside for him looks, it feels like my heart can easily recognize even just his silhouette.

And you expect me not to panic and get confused because of this feelings? C'mon!

I'm not that stupid not to know where this feelings is going but I refused to name it! I don't want to name it. I don't want to consider it even if Mild is insisting everyday that it's not that bad and there's nothing wrong