like honey but poisoned

free

Lissa's POV

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. I saw my mother's evil grin completely engrossed in killing the one I loved the most. Marie's eyes closed. My heart dropped. My vision blurred. I fell to my knees, tears streaming down my face. I wanted to stop my existence immediately, because the world might not have stopped turning, but mine did. My world just fell apart in front of me, my reason to live had died with Marie.
That was when something dark inside me awoke, something I had tried to suppress all this time, something that was a part of me all along.
My mind began to feel hazy, my senses sharpened and all my emotions were reduced to one. Pure wrath.
It felt like I was on drugs, like I was under water, all sounds were muffled and distant and I felt free.
A memory I had completely forgotten about resurfaced.

My dad and I had been climbing when I was younger and as we reached the top of the mountain, he looked at me blissfully, saying this was what true freedom felt like. And I had agreed, overwhelmed by fascination of how different the world looked from such a high spot. For a short span of time it had felt like everything was possible. Until the realization, that I was trapped in the life I led, like a bird in a cage with a mother like that, hit me again. I was plagued with utter sadness during the whole way back.

The metallic taste of blood brought me back to reality. In the back of my head there was a faint voice saying that I should be shocked at the scene that revealed itself to me, but I couldn't feel a thing.
My mother's body lay motionless on the cold marble ground - headless. Her head lay a few feet away, or rather what was left of it.
As I looked down my body, I saw velvet black fur and paws and I realized what had happened. I must've transformed into the panther and killed my mother.
Then my gaze turned to Marie and I felt an immense amount of sadness take over me.
Her face was as pale as ivory and the visible damage my mother had done to her made my heart ache all over again.
Since the intense rage started to fade, all I was left with, was emptiness.
I laid down beside Marie with no intention to ever move again.
All of me agreed that dying right next to her became an enticing option and I was about to think of ways on how to do it as I heard coughing beside me.
Marie started to stir, she was coughing intensely as her eyes fluttered open.
Once she recognized her surroundings she flinched away from me, obviously scared.
After a moment of realization 'though her expression changed to one of relief.
"Lis," she croaked, her voice filled with more than just hoarseness. Pain was also very evident.
With a shaking hand she touched my head hesitantly.
"You look quite stunning even as such a menacing creature," 'though she withdrew her hand again to touch her throat.
Slowly as the seconds passed by waves of euphoria washed over me and I dared to come to the conclusion that this wasn't a phantom, a hallucination fabricated by my disturbed, hopeless mind, but that Marie was indeed alive after all, battered and bruised, but alive nonetheless.
"Lis, I'm not exactly in the best state, can you please just get me out of here?" She mumbled, barely audible.
I nodded my head and we seemed to share the same thought as she started to climb on top of me with all the strength she had left.

We left the castle effortlessly as everyone was too starstruck by seeing a black panther and without the distance that still might've been considered comfortable.
Just before we made it to the Indigo castle, I transformed back.
With the transformation my concern about Marie's condition grew rapidly as my human traits came back to the surface and I swiftly picked her up bridal style to walk towards the castle.
Marie's slender fingers lightly tugged on the collar of my dress and her emerald eyes grew anxious.
"Do you even know what you're doing Lis?"
"More than ever."
And I meant every word of it. All these years of bending to my mother's will had tired me out, so much that I was sure I had broken down completely, forever caught in the cage of a life that was impossible to live, but that all shattered with my mother's death. I was finally free and I felt unstoppable, every fiber of my body consisting of pure energy and determination.
As we neared the entrance I could feel the guards' suspicious gazes linger on me, but I wouldn't back down. Not now, not after all that happened.
"What do you think you're doing, baby doll?" One of the guards sneered at me.
"Watch your tongue, idiot!" I scolded. "The Crimson Queen has fallen and as I am the princess of Crimson, that makes me your Queen now, so be nice!"
He frowned at me. "Anyone could claim that the Queen has fallen, how can I know you're telling the truth."
I glared at him and my patience was wearing thin due to Marie's worsening health.
Carefully I put her down and she clung to my left arm to avoid collapsing.
"I can't prove it to you, but I am ready to kill a man or a hundred to save her. Now either believe me or regret that you didn't," I spoke with fierceness, but he simply laughed arrogantly. Seeing how young he still was, I supposed that he wasn't a guard at Crimson for long, and if I had ever practiced fighting with him, he'd know that although I looked cute, I had the potential to become deadly, but he didn't know and I didn't care and I lost my patience. So while he was still busy laughing, I kicked him hard in the balls and took the knife out of my garter to stab him as he tumbled forwards.
"Is someone else willing to pick a fight with me? Or will you let me pass now, because if you won't, I'll make you."
Silently the crowd of guards parted and I carefully brought Marie inside.

"Where's the doctor?" I asked frantically. There was only one other person in the foyer, dressed in a red cape, with their back turned to me.
"For God's sake, are you deaf? I asked where the doctor is!"
Slowly the person turned around and I held my breath.
Malice stood patiently with an unreadable expression on her face.
"I don't know," she spoke calmly. "But it doesn't matter anymore."
"What is going on Malice?" I pressed on, something certainly wasn't right.
"You look exhausted," she stated and pointed to Marie, who I still carried in my arms. "Why don't you just put her down. There's nothing you can do anymore. She's close to dying, I can feel it."
"Have you lost your mind, Malice? This is Marie, who you're talking about after all! Why are you so cold? You've been her maid all these years."
Malice rolled her eyes and sighed.
"I know and it surely wasn't an easy job." Her eyes were as grey and as hard as granite - no emotion within them. "Come on, just lay her down. It's almost over. Some people just aren't made to live in this world."
"What does that mean? Why are you saying that?" Her whole behaviour alarmed me and I knew that I was running out of time, but I needed to know what was going on.
"Some tea, Elissabeth?" I flinched at the way she spoke my full name like my mother.
"No, thanks. Now explain to me what's going on!"
"I know this girl better than anyone else, better than you and better than her own parents. Because I was the one to raise her, the one who dried her tears, sat beside her bed when she was sick. And I was the one she shared all her secrets with. I know her like the back of my hand."
"What are you trying to tell me?"
"What I am trying to say, is that all the strength she probably showed you, it was all a show, a bitter facade grown over time, until it seemed too real for anyone to doubt," she made a break to pour herself some tea and her calmness was starting to enrage me.
"Did you know, that her name literally means bitterness?"
I could only shake my head at the random information I had learned.
"It's so ironic, that her name means that. Because she is by far, the softest, most fragile person I have ever met in my whole life."
"What the hell should that mean now? Are you trying to tell me, I should let her die, because she won't be able to cope with what's happened? That's insane!" I shouted at her.
"Exactly that. And it's not insane, it's selfless. If you truly love her, you'll let her go now. Trust me, it's the right thing to do." The way she kept on giving me puzzle pieces that I couldn't fit together made my head spin with only more questions.
"But that doesn't explain why you're wearing a Crimson cape. You're the most loyal person I know!"
"That's what you think. But I'm as good at keeping my veneer, as Marie. She actually learned that from me. Her mother was never good at hiding her true feelings, she was like an open book, perfectly predictable."
I stared at her with utter disbelief and as much as I wanted everything to finally make sense, I didn't want it to at the same time.
"So you swapped sides all of a sudden?"
She let out a humourless laugh.
"Not all of a sudden, Elissabeth, this goes back way longer than you think. I never identified as a part of this kingdom. Never."
"That doesn't make any sense!" I yelled in confusion. "You might be good at keeping your facade, but I've seen the way you look at Marie! You care for her like a mother! You're capable of love, I've seen it in your eyes! Why do you want her to die now? And why did you betray her and everyone else?!"
She exhaled deeply.
"You're right, Elissabeth. I am surely not immune to love, but that's the point. I might've cared for Marie, I must admit seeing her growing up, I did develop motherly feelings for her, you're quite observant, aren't you?" She smiled wickedly.
"But there is someone else I love, someone I have always loved immensely, mercilessly and without boundaries."
"Who?" I questioned quietly.
"Your mother."
I loosened my grip on Marie for a moment, because of the shock, but took a hold of her again, cradling her like the only light in endless darkness.
Then she coughed and I felt something wet on my throat. Confused I touched it and my fingers started to shake, as I stared at them -
now coloured crimson with her blood.
"So, now I answered all your questions and the time is up. She's almost dead. Want some tea now?"