like honey but poisoned

problems

Author's Note: I know it's been a while. I was on vacation and somehow just lacked the creativity to continue, but I'll try my best to finish the story as soon as possible. Hope you still enjoy it & take care of yourselves 💕

Next Thursday came by sooner than I had wanted it too. It felt like time itself had decided to go by faster just to mess with me.
I was sipping my coffee, while trying to do a quick sketch of Lissa, how she ate her donuts in slow motion. It was just the two of us, since Vanessa and Therese had gone hiking for three days.
"You can eat faster, I know how to draw a donut," I informed her matter-of-factly.
"Oh okay," she said, now savagely biting into her donut. "But how should I know? I never draw anything besides the simple basics," she mumbled with her mouth full and I just rolled my eyes.
"You mean your hearts, which look like deformed Bs?"
My reply owned me a killer look from her.
"You're only being so mean, because you got therapy in a few hours," she stated and crossed her arms.
"I still think they look like deformed Bs."
"I feel bad for your therapist honestly. You can be such a pain in the neck," she said shaking her head slightly.
I huffed. "You really don't have to. That woman is awfully persistent and nothing I say, can truly unsettle her, it seems."
"Sounds like a great person, I think I like her already," was all that Lissa said and I could only stare at her with my mouth agape.
"By the way, I gotta go now," she muttered and kissed me on the cheek.
"Where are you going?"
"Just meeting a friend."
"A friend? What friend?" I questioned.
She burst out laughing.
"And why are you laughing?"
"Oh it's nothing, for a moment I almost thought you'd be jealous."
"What? No! I'm not jealous!" I exclaimed. Still I couldn't help but ask:" And uhm....does that mysterious friend of yours look good?"
Lissa thought for a moment, before she replied: "Now that I think of it.....yea he does."
And then she just vanished and left me standing there.

"So Marie, how are you feeling today?" Ms Begonia asked me.
"Amazing," I answered sarcastically.
"That's great, I'm happy to hear that," was what she said, but from her facial expression I could tell that she was putting on an act.
"You know that's not what I meant."
"Oh really? Care to explain it to me then?"
"Explain what?"
"How you really feel, for example," she spoke and there it was again - this way too satisfied, obnoxious smile of hers.
"Well, I don't wanna be here," I stated, leaning back in the chair and crossing my arms.
"And why is that?"
"It's therapy and I don't like therapy obviously."
"Why don't you like it?"
"I don't wanna talk about my problems." Her questions were making me feel stressed out already.
"Why don't you want to talk about your problems?"
"I know what you're trying and it isn't going to work with me."
With that I stood up abruptly.
"What do you mean?"
"Don't play dumb! I know you're trying all different ways to get me to open up!" I yelled, already walking towards the door.
"Okay, okay fine. You are right, that's exactly what I'm doing. Please, calm down again. I didn't mean to anger you."
I still played with the thought of just leaving the room, like it contained all my problems and I could just run away from them, but I knew this wasn't possible.
"Marie, can I ask you something else?"
"You've been asking me things the whole time, why would you ask for permission suddenly?" I mumbled, while biting my nails.
"Did your parents ever listen to your problems?"
I stopped biting my nails, somehow the question had caught me off guard.
"Uhm no....or maybe yes, but if so, I don't think I remember."
"Hm...do you remember situations where you confronted them with your problems?"
I thought about her question, until I had an answer, that I didn't want to have.
All of a sudden the air felt so heavy and I went over to the window to open it.
"So, do you?"
I sighed. "Yes. Most of the time, they simply told me to go talk about it with my nanny, because they were busy."
"And how did that make you feel?"
I sighed again. "Can you please not ask me that?"
"I'm assuming that it made you sad?"
"You're never gonna stop asking, will you?"
I sat back down again and muttered: "Yes, it made me feel sad, because I felt so unwanted, like I was only a burden."
Ms Begonia nodded and took a sip of her water bottle.
"You see, Marie, feelings have a great might over us. They can make us believe things that aren't even true."
"What are you trying to tell me?"
"Okay, uhm," she grabbed the bottle again. "This is you, okay, and-"
"No!" I protested. "I'm not some water bottle!"
"It's just an example to visualize things."
"Still, if I have to be a bottle, I wanna be a fancy bottle at least, like a wine bottle."
Ms Begonia sighed.
"Okay, but this is the only bottle I have with me, so this has to do. But if it's that much of an issue for you, you can imagine it to be a wine bottle." She made a break and seemed surprised, that I didn't cut her off again.
"So, you are this bottle and the water-"
"The wine," I interrupted her, just to mess with her, wondering when she would sigh again.
"Alright, fine, the wine," she continued, sighing and I couldn't help, but grin.
"The wine symbolizes your problems. So what would happen, if I constantly poured more and more wine into it with no way for the wine to escape?"
I bit my lip, trying not to laugh. "I'd most likely be very drunk, I guess," I said innocently.
"No!"
"But you said I was the bottle!"
She wiped her hand across her face and looked at me like I was a hopeless case.
"No, Marie...I mean yes, but the wine is your problems."
"Oh, right, sorry, I forgot."
"It's fine, Marie, now back to what I was trying to explain. The bottle would burst at some point, wouldn't it?"
"Oh, uhm, now that you say it like that, it does sound logical," I replied, pretending like I didn't know that from the start.
"So what I mean to tell you, is that it is important to find a way to get our problems out, before we burst. And talking to others about them can help a lot, we can't figure everything out alone, even if your parents' behaviour made you believe that was what you had to do."
The rest of the therapy session we spent trying to elaborate ways for me to get my problems out and when the session ended, I was kinda astonished, that a part of me eventually found it helpful, somehow.