ending scene | l.hc

25

{her}

" thank you so much. "

i raised my brow at his words.

" for what? " i asked.

" for helping me realize that living in the past won't help me. " his voice broke. but his smile was there. a small, genuine smile. i couldn't help but smile as well.

" you forgave him already? " i asked, taking a sip from my coffee. i saw him nod.

the night was cold. we were on my balcony, indulging ourselves with the beautiful cityscapes and the peaceful silence between the both of us. it has been weeks since i last saw him.

" was it. . . hard? " i asked, in a low voice. how does it feel to forgive? i wanted to ask.

" what? " he asked back, raising his brow. i pursed my lips, my breathing went heavy. i gulped.

" was it hard to. . . to forgive? " i managed to say, avoiding his knowing gaze. i heard his sigh.

" it was. it was so hard. 6 years ago, i thought i could never forgive him for everything he's done. but here i am, finally accepting his apology and accepting him back in my life. " i could hear his smile in between his words. i'm happy for him. i am.

" how about you? " i faced him. he looked at me with a confused gaze.

" how about you? have you forgiven yourself? " i asked, in a careful tone. i saw how he looked away when i asked.

" i'm about to. " he replied, his breathing getting heavier each sigh he releases.

" i'm happy for you. " i said, with a small smile plastered on my face. he returned it with a smile.

a long silence wrapped us. i placed my head above his shoulders as i heard our song. our heartbeats.

" how about you? " i heard him say. it was almost a whisper but thank goodness, i was near to him so i perfectly heard what he had said.

i sat properly before i placed my empty mug on the table.

" i-i don't know. . . " i trailed off. i seriously don't know if i'm ready to forgive myself.

" i just realized that i don't know the  reason why you felt so sad the first time i saw you. " he said, nonchalantly. it was almost as if he was talking to himself.

" i don't know the reason why you were broken. " his words were daggers repeatedly stabbed through my pounding heart.

a moment of silence passed through us.

i looked back to the times we had and my lips instantly formed a sad smile.

" he was my bestfriend. " i started off.

" his name was alkin, which was from the word 'alkina'. it means moon in australian. " i looked up and i stared at the crescent moon that was accompanied by the glimmering stars up above. my hand went up to my neck as i caressed the necklace with a silver moon as its pendant.

" alkin, belle and i were the best of friends. alkin and belle were twins, while i was an only child. i lived next door, so having them made me feel like i had siblings. we were that close. " i gave out a reminiscent smile, as i remembered our happy moments. those moments i cherish, i treasure.

" belle talks a lot, alkin was silent, while i was something in between. " i chuckled.

" alkin always protected me, always made me feel safe. he cared for me, the same way he cared for belle. until alkin fell in love with me. " i wiped off the smile on my face and replaced it by pursing my lips.

" it felt odd. i always looked up to him as an older brother. so. . ." i bit my lip as it trembled, tears already being released from my eyes. " so, i rejected him. " i said, in a sigh.

" but even if i did, he continued to shower me with his love. he took me to dates, cooked me food, gave me gifts, cared for me, loved me in a way i was afraid of. " my voice broke.

" then he gave me a ring, a promise ring. that time, i got full of him. i rejected him for the second time, not even wanting to give him another chance. " i choked in a sob.

" then the day came when my parents decided to divorce. when asked if who will i go with, i said i decided to live alone. so my parents gave me this place. i moved out from the neighborhood. " i wiped my tears. i whipped my head to see haechan, but he was looking forward.

" belle cried. she didn't want me to leave, but our house was being sold off, so i was left with no choice. " a corner of my lips raised when i remembered when belle begged me to stay. she cried so hard the neighbors thought i fought with her.

" that day, alkin didn't say goodbye. he only looked at me through their window, with no expression. it hurted me a lot. " i struggled to finish my own words as i could no longer suppress my sobs.

" months passed, he. . . " i trailed off, still trying to breathe. i felt haechan's hand on my back, rubbing it.

" he p-passed away. " and right then and there, my heart fell. it sunked to its most bottom and it felt like i couldn't have it back.

" belle saw him in his bathroom, pale and no longer breathing. doctors said he overdosed. " i remembered the day when she told me the news. i passed out. when i woke up, i cried and screamed, still not believing it.

" i was a wreck that time. i talked to no one, i locked myself up. during his wake and funeral, i wasn't there. i couldn't say goodbye to him. i wanted to know why he had to take his own life. " i shook my head as i sobbed more, no longer delivering the words clearly. haechan looked away but he still continued to rub his hand across my back.

" h-haechan, i was eaten by a lot of questions. " i covered my mouth when it trembled. i looked at him and he was looking at me, his eyes already filled with tears.

" what if i was the reason why he died? what if because i rejected him, that's why he killed himself? what if he thought i moved because i no longer want to see him in my life? it was my f-fault. " i cried, my sobs getting louder. haechan placed a tongue in his cheek as he can no longer keep his own tears from falling. he immediately wiped them off, but it kept falling.

" i couldn't forgive myself, haechan. he d-died because of me. " i covered my face with my own palms as i cried harder. i stayed like that for a while. haechan's hand was no longer on my back.

i tried to remember his face, his smiles, his laughs, him.

i removed my hands from my face, and i stared right back through the moon, still crying.

" i'm sorry. "

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