Healing Hearts (bxb)

Chapter 5 - Resisting pain

I just walked down to the little pier, as if that would make it all better. I seriously debated just stripping off my very expensive watch, at least, before going in the water and trying to swim across this lake into freedom. But then where would I be? I would have no where to go and I couldn't even run away, because I had no car or money on me and living in poverty somewhere in the woods, hell to the no. Police would find me and bring me back here anyway, since I'm a minor, so I discard that thought immediately. 

But I was just so damn angry! No, I was fuming. How fucking dare him...How dare Simon say all those things to me...telling me I was at fault for what Cameron did! I was not responsible for his actions, I was literally just showering, nothing more and I was most definitely not inviting him over to more, because I'M STRAIGHT! And even if not, I was literally just minding my own business. He was trying to make me feel bad for something I didn't do or want. I wasn't so much angry at Cameron anymore as I was now at Simon. He was a fucking prick and if this was his way of making me like boobs, I didn't understand it. 

I was just sitting down at the pier, taking a few of the pebbles, that were laying around and throwing them in the water. I knew Stanley was only a few feet away, watching my every move, but I didn't care. I wasn't doing anything wrong, but then again, that hadn't stopped them the last time to make me feel like shit. Because that's how I felt in that moment, like shit. It was not that big of a deal with Cameron, I mean, it felt weird and not good at all and when I got him to stop I was relieved, but it wasn't like I would have to see a therapist after what happened. I just wanted it to never happen again, that's it and it seemed like Cameron got the message loud and clear. At least I hoped. 

I wouldn't have made a big deal out of it, maybe I wouldn't go shower without knowing somebody like Kenneth would be there, who didn't seem to be a pervert like Cameron, but other than that, I was tipsy topsy fine, until Simon brought it up. God, with every word he spoke he made me so angry....My mom never understood me or even tried to do so, but when Simon told me to confess to something I didn't want to, because it wasn't true and made me feel like shit to even think about, I truly felt misunderstood for the first time in my life. It was like I could only lose with him. Like anything I would have said, he would have turned against me. 

So I just sat here, at the pier, angrily throwing pebbles into the water, letting my anger flourish with each passing minute. Fucking cunts. They were all cunts! This whole camp was a cunt....Fuck them! I got even more frustrated with every second, that Simon wasn't coming down here to apologize and acknowledge that he was in the wrong here, even though I knew that would never ever happen. 

I didn't need to turn my head, when I heard the doors to the big group session hall open, to know, that he had send them out for a break, so he could call me inside with them afterwards. They all walked out into the outdoor space and I just knew, that they were looking at me. When I finally turned my head, I could see Simon silently calling Stanley towards him, nudging his head to symbolize, that he wanted to talk with him in private, leaving us kids almost alone. Well, there was one more counselor working as a guard, but he was busy patrolling the woods, so nobody would try to run, even though I was certain that there was a fence somewhere between those trees, so exactly that couldn't happen.

I just turned around again, watching the water and throwing pebbles. Stanley hadn't bothered me, but I also didn't mind actually being alone, even though now my emotions seemed a bit more intense and I didn't like that part too much. I didn't think any of the others would come up to me anyway, maybe Wendy, but I hadn't seen her in the split second, that I had looked behind me, so I was left to deal with my negative emotions alone. Ugh, some weed would honestly be amazing right now. There would also be less chances, that I would argue with Simon when I would have to go back inside, so that's that.