Everything was kind of a blur. I don't know who put the blanket around my shoulders, but I was betting on my boyfriend, seen as he would probably not let Simon or another counselor touch me again, especially after he knew that they did this to me, that they made me walk into that lake, begging for it all to stop and basically death. I also don't know how he managed to make them let us stay in a room together, one of the unused ones, with a counselor in front of the door, as always of course, but still...normally this wasn't allowed. But the last image of Simon I had in my head that day looked very distressed, seeming as if I would have killed myself, it would have been bad for him as well, so maybe he though letting my 'friend' stay with me and keep an eye on me was probably good. Or he was too shocked to care.
But now we were sitting in a room, with me on the wooden chair and Kenneth kneeling in front of me, untying me soaked shoes, so he could get me out of these freezing and wet clothes. That also wasn't allowed, him touching and undressing me I mean, but they did bring me some new and warm clothes and the counselor wasn't looking at us anyway, seen as he too was a bit uncomfortable with the fact, that I apparently tried to kill myself...that thought was still absurd to me, because I didn't really want to die. I just wanted freedom and I guess I didn't care if I would have drowned in the lake, but it wasn't the reason I went into the water at first.
"Kenneth I'm sorry I-" I said with a very raspy and shaky voice and my boyfriend looked up at that, immediately taking my face in his hands, as he said "Hey hey its ok, just...relax for a moment ok? We can talk later, I just want to make sure you're alright, ok?" He glanced over at the counselor, who wasn't looking at us at all and wasn't even guarding the door anymore, but standing on the side of it, so not really even able to watch us, before Kenneth dove forward, kissing my lips briefly. I savored the feeling and when he pulled away, he whispered "I love you" with a smile dancing on his lips, that should show me, that he didn't hate me for doing what I did and apparently tried to kill myself.
Before I could respond with anything, he went back down on his knees, focussing on untying my shoes and carefully taking the wet bricks off my feet. He opened my pants next and didn't even look at the counselor anymore, checking if he would see us, since he would also be doing this for a friend, but actually, I think Kenneth didn't care at all if anybody knew about us anymore and in that moment. He just wanted to take care of me and I let him. "Can you lift your hips or-" he asked carefully and so I stood up completely, as I knew it would be easier and Kenneth looked worried for a moment, that that would be too much, but I wasn't physically hurt...I mean I was from the shocks, but not enough to not be able to stand up straight anymore.
I nodded at him and he started pulling down my pants, that were sticking to my body a bit, due to them still being wet and I stepped out of them, before, with one last side glance to the counselor to check of he was looking, Kenneth also took of my boxers and put some fresh ones on me. I felt like a toddler getting dressed, but actually, I needed this...I needed somebody to care about me and I knew Kenneth always did, but this, showing it without word, it meant a lot to me and I could have cried.
He let me get in my new pair of pants which was basically just to sleep in, but that was fine and Kenneth stood up, pulling my shirt over my head, the last wet piece of clothing I was wearing. The soaked fabric of my half wet shirt stuck to my cheek and it felt weird for a moment, as if I had never been touched there before. But quickly Kenneth put the fresh shirt over my head, getting me dressed. The new one was soft and warm and Kenneth buttoned it up, before leading me over to the bed and letting me sit down there.
He took the blanket of the bed and put it around my shoulders to warm me up even more, while he put some warm socks on me, just to really make sure I would be warm and I gave him a weak smile, because of how much he cared...Then he took a moment to quickly get undressed himself, stepping out of his almost equally wet clothes, before putting on the new ones they had brought for him as well and he glanced at me once in a while, to make sure I was alright and not crying or having another breakdown, but I was simply watching him, saddened that I had caused this distress he was feeling at that moment.
YOU ARE READING
Healing Hearts (bxb)
Romantiek*COMPLETED* 1979. After Tommy helps his cousin Jesse and his boyfriend escape the religious and homophobic town Evanston in Utah, his parents send him to conversation therapy, thinking he too is interested in the same gender. Without much arguing, T...
