Healing Hearts (bxb)

Epilogue

Kenneth's POV

Tommy was nervous, I could see it. He would never say it, but he was nervous to see his cousin again. He had been nervous the whole flight over and even the train ride he didn't rest for one second. He blamed it on his slight insomnia, but I knew that it really was, because he was nervous. And that was ok. But Tommy didn't think it was ok. These past three months it seemed like any other emotion but happiness was not ok for Tommy. He felt them, the negative emotions, of course he did, but he didn't like it. And it didn't matter how many times I told him, that it was ok to be down, he still tried to be ok. 

But now that we stood in front of the door to one of the biggest houses I have ever seen and I have lived in a mansion my whole life, he was obviously nervous and couldn't even hide it in front of himself anymore. So when I rang the doorbell, he immediately reached for my hand, taking a deep breath. I wasn't completely sure why he was so nervous, but I had an idea. 

The first few weeks after we had escaped the camp, Tommy basically never left the bed. And not in a sexual fun way. He was depressed. And I was too, at least a bit. But Tommy really was depressed. He cried a lot in my arms, had nightmares, as did I and didn't really feel like eating or doing anything but staring ahead. And that was ok. I tried to be there for him, so it would get easier, but I knew he needed his time. 

And I knew what was depressing him so much then and there. Because Tommy may have been physically free form the tortures of the camp, but mentally, that place would never set us free. 

He needed time to heal and me and his dad very much gave him that. Of course it was hard seeing him like this and waking up to him screaming and crying after having a nightmare, but I loved him. Simple as that. I love Tommy and so of course I would be there for him. I was prepared that this would last for months. That maybe slowly he would get up and eat regularly and maybe in a few years his nightmares would stop completely. But Tommy had another plan in mind. 

Because one day, he just got up, skipping around the house, being his bitchy self and we were all really confused to say the least. I thought he was bipolar for a second, but at night I saw the real him. He was still very much scared and hurt, he just decided to not be that when he was around other people. Because Tommy realized, that it was hurting others. Not really, but in his mind it did. In his head, the longer he stayed in bed and showed literal damage after going through everything, the more his father was blaming and hating himself. And I personally didn't have a problem with that. 

Don't get me wrong, Edward took me in when I knew my parents wouldn't and he wasn't against mine and Tommy's relationship, but he still send Tommy to that camp. And I knew he was already sorry and blaming himself, but now Tommy was blaming himself for making him feel bad and that was just not fair. I had a serious talk with him and he broke down in my arms, crying that he needed to be strong for his family, since Julie also shouldn't see him like this and I once again realized just how strong my boyfriend was.

He was considerate and I admired him for that and it didn't matter how many times I told him that it was ok to be hurt and that he should think about himself first, he wanted to do this and I needed to let him. And he really did seem happier and more himself by day. Also his sex drive went up by a hundred and I was not complaining about that at all. But I knew that sooner or later, all of those carefully build barriers would break. 

Sooner or later, Tommy would break and that was ok. I just wanted to be there for him when it happened. 

And now I knew that he was nervous seeing Jesse, who blamed himself that Tommy had been in the camp. It really wasn't his fault, but Tommy also didn't want to worsen his guilt by actually being as hurt as he was. So I was already prepared to seeing a lot of the sarcastic bitch I fell in love with and probably humping our brains out these five days we would be staying with Nathan and Jesse here in England. I wasn't complaining, Tommy needed to decide how to deal with this and I would support him, it just hurt knowing in how much pain he was. I personally haven't healed from the trauma yet, but I had it a little easier than him. After all, they hadn't tried to kill me.