Healing Hearts (bxb)

Chapter 38 - The better, the worst

Simon was panicking and life was great. Like, actually pretty amazing. And I know I already had a lot of ups and downs in this place and I knew this wasn't going to last, but it I was....weirdly ok with that. Because it meant, that no matter how bad it got in here, it would always get good again and I could live with that. It was better than the alternative anyway, where I would only be tortured without a light at the end of the tunnel, my hope vanishing more each day and then at some point, I couldn't take it anymore and...that would be it. So this was ok. 

I didn't have to go to the basement again, not even to room number one to jerk off to images I didn't like and get pressured into doing even more. Simon really was afraid that if he'd cross that line again, my over dramatic ass would kill myself in front of the whole group, leaving them traumatized and angry and somehow telling their dad's, who were lawyers or people in power, what had happened or simply parents like mine, who were rich and well known and who could destroy Simon's little operation quicker than a bomb could destroy a small doghouse. I just had my one on one sessions with Simon, which were pretty tame for now and so, life really was kind of ok. 

Also it helped now that we had two counselors on our side. Well, Kevin at Peter weren't actually on our side. They didn't want us to run around freely and apparently still believed that homosexuality was a sin and could be cured, even though they banged behind closed doors. Brainwashed idiots. But they did cover for us, a lot, because they knew if Kenneth and I felt like it, we could reveal their secret relationship, not even just by telling Simon. but simply by showing him and so they rather just helped us. 

For example, when they had to watch over us in the hangout room, they had to let it slide when Kenneth touched me, not sexually of course, but even just holding my hand was something they had to endure. We didn't push it too much of course, we needed them as much as they needed us and I was amazed that they hadn't simply beaten us and told us to stay the fuck quiet, but maybe they just knew, that physical assault was nothing to us after being in here for that long and we still knew what we wanted and how to get it. 

It was getting a little bit warmer again, as the snow was melting and sometimes, when the sun was coming out, Kenneth and I were able to sneak behind the staff house again and kiss and be together. That was very necessary, but no matter how much I begged, Kenneth always said no to a quick fuck behind the staff house, because he said we only ever had sex once and that was not how he wanted to treat me, so other releases were necessary. But he always promised that he would think of a way where we could be somewhere warm and private and have some fun very soon. Apparently he was talking to Kevin and Peter and I knew that he had a plan. 

So it was no surprise when once, after a session, when we were heading to the hangout room and neither one of us had a one on one session with Simon that day, Kenneth leaned in to me and whispered in my ear "You know, you look damn sexy today" and his hand briefly brushed over my ass, which nobody would have noticed, if I wouldn't have nearly choked on my own spit. It had been about three weeks, since Kenneth and I had slept together and I wanted nothing more than to repeat exactly that and I knew Kenneth did too, he just normally was the strong one and tried to not show just how much he needed me, naked and with him, but now he had failed at that and I started walking again, as we just entered the main building and we were the last ones to go in. 

"God damn it Ken, that is such an unfair thing to do, if we have no chance of doing anything about it" I gritted out, fixing my pants a bit, because I wasn't too sure if some of my blood hadn't left my brain and traveled somewhere else. But when I looked up again, my boyfriend wasn't walking next to me anymore and so when I turned around I realized, that Kenneth had stopped in the hall, that led to the cafeteria and the stairway and he wore that smirk that told me, he had something planned. And then I saw Kevin standing by the door to the stairway, looking annoyed and pissed beyond belief and I made the connection.