Time had never felt so long and dreadful....Never in my life had I just wanted to skip ahead in time this badly before. I wanted to hold Kenneth in my arms, tell him it would be ok. I wanted to know what they were doing to him and god did I want to stop it. I debated on just yelling fire, so they had to evacuate the building, but they wouldn't do that, because apparently Kenneth had used that trick once, when he still fought back with everything he had and they never did it again.
Why were they taking so long?? I knew he was in the room with the electric shocks...I knew they were hurting him, badly, and there was nothing I could do to stop it without worsening his situation. I sat in the circle with my friends, all of them very quiet as I stared ahead, tears glistering in my eyes. Do you have any idea how painful it is to know that the person you love...yes love, is getting tortured and there is nothing you can do to stop it?
Because if I would even make it past the counselors and would somehow be able to turn off the machine before they would pull me away, they would punish the both of us for that action. I wasn't afraid of the consequences for myself, but of the one Kenneth would have to endure. And then I would probably be locked somewhere, knowing I could, again, do nothing and the pain inflicted on my boyfriend would be a thousand times worse. So no, there wasn't really anything I could do to stop it and that hurt my whole soul.
Eric gently laid a hand on top of my elbow, which I had rested on my legs, that I had bulled up to my chest, just in case I would have to actually start crying and the counselors shouldn't see. "He is going to be ok Tommy. Kenneth is stronger than you think, he will get through this" he said gently and I just shook my head, my bottom lip wobbling as I was about to cry, but tried to hold it back. I knew Kenneth was strong, he was one of the strongest people I had ever known in my entire life, there was not a doubt in my mind that he would get out of this basement in one piece and one day be able to smile again, but that didn't mean that it was ok that he was down there.
"He shouldn't have to though" I was able to say with a very shaky voice and now Wendy hugged my shoulders, letting me lean my head on top of her own, which comforted me a bit, but I was still a mess, because it changed nothing about Kenneth's current situation. He was a fighter and I knew if he was sitting here with me right now he would tell me that it was alright, but that didn't mean that it actually was. Because I loved him and he was down there getting hurt and he deserved so much better. Why was this world so fucked up, that a good and kind person like Kenneth had to undergo torture that was even inhumane for a killer...he didn't kill anybody he just was who he was, a good and amazing guy with a big heart and a perfect smile...
Seconds felt like minutes and minutes like hours and I had no idea, how much time had actually passed. Maybe a month, a week...had I really been sitting on the cold ground for that long? The clock would probably tell me, it had been less than an hour, but that bitch was lying, I knew it. Kenneth should be back by now...he should be back and in my arms, where he could cry and feel safe and I could say how sorry I was for not stopping it and how much I loved him and how he never had to go down there again...were electric shocks dangerous? Could he die? Of course I was thinking about the worst case scenario, but even just the most realistic one, where he was getting tortured and then released, wasn't very good either.
My nails dug into the skin of my arm, as I just wanted to scream at somebody and demand them to release Kenneth, but again, I couldn't do that, especially without them finding out what we were and then keeping us apart forever, which I wouldn't survive and maybe neither would Kenneth. I really wanted to cry, but you know me, the only person I could cry in front of was in the basement of this fucking institution, getting electrocuted...god that thought hurt like a knife to the stomach, especially because I couldn't fucking help him! If I could just lay there instead of him, that would be great, thank you.
YOU ARE READING
Healing Hearts (bxb)
Romance*COMPLETED* 1979. After Tommy helps his cousin Jesse and his boyfriend escape the religious and homophobic town Evanston in Utah, his parents send him to conversation therapy, thinking he too is interested in the same gender. Without much arguing, T...
