Healing Hearts (bxb)

Chapter 16 - The normal agenda

When I woke up the next morning in my bed, sober and alone, the sun was just rising, so the counselors would be here any minute now, to get us for breakfast. But I didn't get up or woke up Wendy, so she could cover her butt that always poked out under the covers, as if that part of her body would get abnormally hot under a blanket. I just stared at the ceiling, yesterday's events rushing back to me at an abnormal speed, that would have thrown me to the ground, if I wasn't already laying. 

Kenneth and I-...Kenneth did- We.....yup. That happened. Was I freaking out? Maybe. But just a little bit. Ok maybe a whole lot, but who wouldn't? Just to make this very clear, I didn't regret it. I didn't want to turn around in my bed and cry, because I felt dirty or shit, no. But that made it all the more difficult to deal with. If I would have just woken up and felt like shit and was like, yeah that should have never happened, I hated it, lets not do it again, I would have known how to go from there, but I was absolutely clueless. 

Because I didn't hate it. I mean, it was a hand job for christ's sake and a pretty fucking good one I might add, of course I enjoyed myself...and I was high, so that was a good addition. But the thing is...that it was Kenneth. KENNETH! Of all the people here, it was Kenneth and me doing this behind the staff house. I wasn't really freaked out about the fact, that Kenneth was a guy who jerked me off and blew me at the end, no. I didn't care to question my sexuality, because I thought I was straight, very very straight, but if for some reason I would see a guy and be like 'damn I want a piece of that', than thats fine, I don't care. 

But Kenneth? Surely this must have meant something to him! I mean, you don't just take somebody's dick in your mouth and...swallow, without getting a little bit attached! Right? Or maybe he was already attached and I fucked it up for him...Oh god, I am a bad friend...But then again, he offered...but maybe just as a joke? I honestly still have no idea why in god's name I said yes...I really don't. Maybe I was just so high, but then again, I knew that wasn't true. I wanted it and my body knew that before my brain did. 

Actually, Kenneth was very good looking, not gonna lie. And I felt safe when I was with him. And he was funny and nice and just understood me. I liked holding his hand and hugging him and being close to him and alone with him and- oh my god I had a crush on Kenneth! Nope...that was ridiculous. You notice a crush before you act on it...right? I hadn't noticed this before we did what we did yesterday so...

No, I didn't have a crush, but maybe I was just enough attracted to my friend to not have minded him touching me like that. Because I didn't mind. Hell, that was the best hand job I have ever gotten, including from myself! He just knew the perfect pace and how to run his thumb over my tip and hold me and how he put me in his mouth and let me cum there and- Great, now I'm getting a boner. But can you blame me?? That guy jerked and blew my brains out, ok there weren't any there to begin with, but still, he was- oh very good. 

"Ew Tommy, don't tell me you were jerking off when I'm lying right next to you" Wendy groaned, her eyes still barely open, as she must have just woken up and I looked down, seeing the very obvious tent form under my covers. I quickly bend my knee, so that Wendy didn't have to look at that anymore, as I sat up, clearing my throat a little awkwardly, as if she would know what I had been thinking about. "Oh sorry, uh just...morning wood, you know" I mumbled and she grumbled something in return, as she turned back around again, trying to get one more minutes of sleep in, before the counselors would wake us up to get breakfast. 

I laid back down, seemingly doing the same, but I just exhaled, my head feeling like it was so stuffed, so full, I couldn't even form a real thought anymore. What if Kenneth interpreted this as something more? What if he thought we were now like...dating or shit and would think that it was to happen again, if not more. I didn't want to break his heart, but I also didn't want to be in a relationship with him! I liked the way things were right now, even before the hand job incident. Nothing had to change in my opinion, but what if Kenneth wanted it to?