Repetition Compulsion

1.

Sera

21-year-old Serendipity Seme strutted senselessly across the hall-room with a wine glass in one hand and a stress ball in the other. Despite the noisy environment she was in, her silver heels made a sharp cluck sound each time they hit the ground. Her head was tilted down at a very low angle, such that her silver afro covered half of her face, thus hiding the scowl expression on her face. However, try as she did, she couldn't help but snort distastefully at the scene that was playing out in front of her.

With every step she took, her long, red maxi dress followed her body, and slid in between her thighs, making it harder and harder for her to move any faster.

A waiter passed by in front of her, holding a tray full of wine glasses, and she gladly traded in her half empty glass for a full one.

She chuckled bitterly. And as she did, she thought: "Surely this man was sent by the devil to test my limits. Yesterday he made me cry, today he's turned me into a full-blown alcoholic. Who's to say he won't kill me tomorrow?"

And with that, she took another sip of her wine, and then chuckled again, but this time with disbelief. Time went by, and she had to force herself to look away from the scene playing out in front of her for a minute, for the sake of her own sanity. As she did, she found herself looking down at the overpriced dress she had on. She rolled her eyes and sighed audibly. She thought: "I could have bought two weeks' worth of groceries with the money I used to rent out this gown. If I don't get recruited tonight, I will learn the true meaning of the word 'suffering'"

She took another sip of her red drink, looked up and then continued scanning the scene in front of her once again, but with more intent. The longer she stared, the longer she realized how sick it all made her. Yet for some reason, she could not bring herself to look away.

Her phone beeped, signaling that she had received a text. She quickly reached for her phone, glad to have something to take her mind and her focus off of the scene in front of her, but the three words flashed across her phone screen made her heart sink even more.

Has anyone approached you yet? 😊

The text was from Sera's roommate Nahi Kim. Nahi worked part time at the Campus Graduate and Recruitment Centre. So, as soon as she realized Sera was in trouble academically, she had worked tirelessly to make sure her roommate got invited to the last recruitment function for the year. It was a long shot, but Sera knew that if she did not get recruited by an agent from a Publishing Firm on that night, then she was not going to be allowed to graduate at the end of the semester.

Sera lifted her head from her phone and did a quick scan of her environment. She hadn't noticed before because she had been preoccupied, but it was just as she had predicted: the room was almost empty, which meant almost all the agents had gone home.

Sera knew she could have gotten an internship earlier if she really wanted to. She wasn't a bad student, but she had spent the entire semester messing around, and next thing she knew, all the time she thought she had to secure an internship had disappeared, seemingly from out of nowhere.

A really loud, high pitched laugh filled Sera's ears, forcing her to turn her attention back at the dreaded scene. She took one last sip of her red wine and turned her head in the direction the laugh had come from. Her stomach churned as she saw the hand of the tall, light skinned boy slip around the waist of the skinny blonde he was standing next to. Next, she felt a wave of irritation and annoyance as the skinny blonde threw her head back laughing in return. As she laughed, the blonde moved her hand schemingly, seemingly using it to twirl her hair for a little bit but then ultimately placing it on top of the boy's hand as her laughter slowly subsided.

Feeling another wave of irritation coming, Sera rolled her eyes all the way to the back of her head. She thought: "I know bullshit when I see it."

The boy, namely Troy Gabriels was many things, including handsome, clean, and smart, but 'funny' was not one of those things.

Sera continued watching the couple from a distance: She watched intently as Troy Gabriels's hand slipped from the blonde's waist, down to her butt. (If she could even call it that). When the blonde didn't shift his hand back, Sera watched as Troy's left eye twitched in excitement.

She watched as he used his other hand to sleek his wavy hair back as though he were really proud of his achievement. Sera had seen enough. She reached for her wine glass, but when it reached her lips, no liquid came out. She looked to find a waitress, but the closest one was all the way across the room.

"There is no way I'm gonna walk all the way across the hall just for a glass of wine. That has the potential to backfire on me in more ways than one!"

But still, she needed that drink. It was the only way she was going to get through the night.

Her mind raced, and for a minute, she contemplated risking everything for a glass of wine, but then somewhere in between all that she thought: "This is crazy, S. This is not who you are. You cannot be acting this crazy for a guy!"

And so somewhere in between all those thoughts, she finally decided that this was the last straw. She was done with Troy Gabriels. In her defense, Troy Gabriels had done so many other awful things to Sera leading up to this point. But the difference between all that and what Sera was currently witnessing is that at least he had had the decency to do those other things  in private. Sera didn't mind being a clown in private, but being a clown in public is where she drew the line.

She had another short internal conflict about whether or not to get another glass of wine, at least to seal the deal, until finally, she decided that she needed something stronger. So instead of walking across the hall to replace her empty wine glass, Sera walked out of the hall so she could find a private place to smoke and gather her thoughts. She knew events like these almost always had smoking rooms. So that's what she was looking for, specifically. 

She sashayed across the hallway, and into the corridor, opening all the doors until she found the smoking room. She pulled open the door handle and then walked inside.

She made her way towards a leather couch which was behind a stack of books. 

"Perfect. Just perfect." Sera thought as she opened a new pack of cigarettes and dragged the first pull.