Repetition Compulsion

11.

When Sera finally decided to go back home to her apartment, it was already mid-afternoon. She was drained, physically, mentally and emotionally. But, she was still too scared to sleep. The monsters in her closet seemed to be fully gunning for her.

She opened the door to her apartment and was hit by the sight of her roommate Nahi eating cornflakes in broad daylight. She was bundled up on the couch with her hair in a messy bun, whilst watching an episode of Spongebob Squarepants.

As soon as the door opened, her eyes flew towards the door, and her and Sera made eye contact.

"She lives!", Nahi shouted excitedly, with a mouth full of cornflakes. Nahi had very cute, childlike features, and that in particular was what made Sera gravitate towards her. Nahi's warmness was a refreshing break from the coldness of the world.

Nahi watched Sera intently as she made her way towards her on their two-seater couch. Sera sat down and took a spoonful of Nahi's cereal. But she immediately spat it out when she realized that the milk was sour and distasteful...probably expired.

"Nahi!", Sera exclaimed at her roommate. "That's disgusting!"

"What!?", Nahi replied. "I'm out of grocery money, and I was hungry! Besides...it's not that bad if you close your eyes and try not to concentrate on it too much."

"That's disgusting!", Sera replied, but she still couldn't resist the urge to laugh. Nahi was all for laughing at her own problems, so it didn't come as a surprise to Sera when she joined in on the laughter.

"We can't all go running to our super rich boyfriends every time we experience problems", Nahi said as soon as the laughter subsided. "Speaking of which... where's the clown maker?"

'Clown Maker' was a nickname Nahi had developed for Troy after him and Sera's first two break ups.

Sera shrugged. "We're done." But other than that, she didn't offer Nahi any more information. She knew Nahi would get upset once she learned the truth, and there was no telling what Nahi would do once she was upset. Sera just wanted to forget that Troy Gabriels ever existed, and move on with her life.

"Well good for you!", Nahi ululated. "No more circus activities for you!"

Then, as she finished her sentence, her face lit up, as though she were just remembering something. "Also...you will not believe what I just did for you!"

"What?", Sera replied, unable to keep a smile from forming on her face at the sight of Nahi's excited one.

"I got you an interview!"

Sera gasped.

"But we all know interviews are just formalities, so let me rephrase that...I got you an internship! This iconic duo is graduating at the end of the year!", she squealed excitedly, and as she did, Sera did too.

Sera couldn't believe it. After she failed to get recruited by an agent the night before, she thought it was really over for her. But Nahi had pulled through for her once again.

"Ohmigawsh...how did you-"

"Do it?", Nahi finished Sera's sentence. "Please...I'm Nahi Kim", Nahi flipped her hair and finished with a smirk.

Overwhelmed with emotion, Sera wrapped her arms around Nahi's neck. "I don't know how I can ever thank you enough for this...I owe you so, so much"

"I know", Nahi replied untangling herself from Sera's grip. "You can start with...a bath", she said scrunching up her nose.

Sera laughed and got up from the couch, throwing a cushion at Nahi playfully, but then otherwise making her way to the bathroom to take a shower. She knew she couldn't have been smelling too fresh. She hadn't taken a bath since the previous day.

"And dinner!", Nahi shouted. "Dinner is on you tonight!"

"Done, and done!", Sera replied making her way to her room whilst also blowing Nahi air kisses.

Sera staggered into her room, grabbed her toiletries and then went to the bathroom for a quick shower. When she finished, Sera put on her Hello Kitty pajamas which she had initially brought to match with her little sister Grace. Then, she headed back to the living room so she could ask Nahi what she wanted to have for dinner. But when she got there, Nahi was nowhere to be seen. She had however left a note. It said:

Hey Miss Ma'am!

I'm going for a run! I'll be back in time for dinner though

xx

-N

Sera breathed a sigh of relief upon seeing this note. She was excited to catch up with Nahi. But she also knew she needed some time to process her emotions and get them under control before she could be alone with other people.

She went back to her room and pulled out a cigarette from her purse, then headed back to the living room balcony to smoke while looking at the crappy view of the city from her shitty apartment.

But, unfortunately for her, the smoking did very little to ease her thoughts. She scrolled through her picture gallery, only stopping once she got to the pictures she had taken on the day of her 18th birthday, before her life went further south.

She couldn't help but think about the things she could have done differently, and how different life would be if she would have just done those things right.

She continued scrolling through her phone, stopping every now and then to look at her and Grace's happy faces. She knew the nostalgia she was experiencing was happening because her 22nd birthday was approaching. Every year leading up to her birthday, her mind started playing tricks on her, refusing to give her peace.

***

Shortly after her parents' death, Sera and Grace had been sent to go live with their only other relative, their uncle; Sheriff Billy Payne. Believe it or not, that's what Grace and Sera actually called him. He didn't like to be addressed by any other personal name because he thought being addressed as anything other than his professional name might give out the impression that he liked Sera and Grace, when in actual fact, he didn't.

He was a funny man that Billy Payne; If you asked anyone in that town what kind of a man he was, they would describe him using a range of words such as "friendly" and "lovely" or using phrases such as "eligible bachelor" or "really good with children".

They say you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but Sera learned from a young age that people had a tendency to judge based on what they could see right in front of them. It made sense, to be honest: if it moves like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it's probably a duck, right?

Wrong.

They weren't completely wrong though. They just judged the sheriff based on how they saw him on the outside. Grace and Sera on the other hand saw him in a completely different light because unfortunately for them, he was never the same man at home as he was at work.

***