Repetition Compulsion

38.

When Sera was eleven years old, her father left home never to be seen again.  And shortly after that, her mom committed suicide, leaving her and her sister alone, to fend for themselves.

Sera and her little sister Grace were put into a home, until the day of their mother's funeral, where their only remaining relative, Sheriff Billy Payne came to fetch them, such that they could stay with him.

There was never a point in time where Sera and Grace felt happy during the course of their stay at the sheriff's house. It was a hell-hole, a torture house. And so, shortly after their arrival, they started planning their departure.

Sheriff Billy Payne was the sheriff of a really small town. So, naturally, he was loved dearly, and trusted by all the community members. But Grace and Sera soon learned that the way he portrayed himself at work was not the true him. Only they knew the true him. Sera in particular knew him because she saw him every night when he came to visit her in her room.

Sera didn't mind so much when he hurt her.

In a sense, she felt like it was her fault and that she needed to be punished. Besides, who could blame him? Everyone always said Sera developed way too quickly for a girl her age. Her own body had betrayed her for developing so fast. So in her head, she deserved all the unwanted attention she was receiving.

Sera probably would have stayed, despite him hurting her. But the problem was Grace: She didn't want him hurting her, too. It was her job to protect Grace, and she wasn't planning on letting her down. So, to ensure Grace's safety and protection, she knew she had to keep him entertained. She knew she had to keep letting him have her.

But even though Sera continued entertaining and humoring the Sheriff every single day for seven years, Sera dreamed of escaping that terrible place. She would lie in bed every night plotting how she thought the escape would go, and where she and Grace would run away to. And one day after seven awful years of living with that man, an opportunity finally presented itself to Sera in the form of a scholarship.

And even though she was still so young, Sera started filling Grace in and they immediately started plotting their ultimate escape, using the scholarship travel allowance. The only problem was that Sera had to wait until she was 18 to formally travel with Grace and to formally be regarded as her legal guardian. And so that's what they did. They waited until Sera's 18th birthday to execute the escape.

On the day, everything seemed to be going according to plan. They did everything right. During the day, they went on with life like everything was normal, and then at night, they waited until the sheriff went to sleep, before they started moving to execute the plan.

The girls' bags were packed, and they had the darkness of the night on their side. Grace was fast asleep, waiting for Sera to wake her up so they could leave. But before Sera could wake Grace up, she had to make sure that the coast was clear. So, she tiptoed all the way downstairs to make sure that Sheriff was sleeping. Much to her luck and delight, the sheriff was fast asleep on the couch and with a beer and a newspaper in his mind. Sera did a mental celebratory dance and then turned to walk away. But, as she did, she bumped into one of the sheriff's empty bottles, and it rolled across the floor, making a huge rackus as it did.

Sera stopped mid-walk, too afraid to turn around to see if the rackus had woken the sheriff up. Deep down, she knew the answer, but she didn't want it to be true.

"Please stay asleep, please stay asleep."

But it was too late. The sheriff had heard the noise, and he had seen Sera in front of him at night. That alone was enough to make him want her. He got up, and as he did, the couch he was sitting on made a loud squeeky noise, as it always did when he got up. He moved towards Sera, and then placed a hand at the back of her head. Sera breathed in and dared herself to turn around. He was now breathing hard, and even though the room was dark, Sera could see the sheriff's manhood rising. She gulped in fear as she realized what was coming. He was now awake, so he was ready to take what he believed was his. He tightened his grip on her hair, and then turned her around, and then as quickly as he had gotten up, he got his pants off and started thrusting in and out of her.

As he did, a single tear drop slipped down Sera's cheek, and then she transported herself deep into her mind and allowed herself to imagine a life far away from this place. A place where both she and Grace would be happy. In her head, she imagined them living in a tiny little cottage where she could write books for a living and Grace could spend her days playing on a farm with pigs in the mud.

During these times, Sera had a tendency to detach herself from reality completely, so much so that sometimes she needed something significant to bring her back to reality. Usually, it was the sound of Grace's voice accompanied by her softly tugging at her sleeves, prompting her to wake up. But something it was something way less happy. She was brought back to reality by the sound of a gun shot, followed by Grace's piercing scream. 

Sera jolted up, suddenly fully aware of where she was and what was going on, but too paralyzed with fear to move. A part of her hoped she was still roaming around in her own head, but a bigger part of her knew that this was real. It was too graphic not to be. Still, she stayed still, hoping that if she stayed still long enough, then maybe this would all go away, and everything would go back to normal. But no matter how long she waited, the scene in front of her did not change, and soon, she couldn't move even after deciding she was ready to move. She was now paralyzed with fear. So, she watched as Grace's body lay lifeless and face down on the living room floor. She watched in horror as a fresh pool of blood ran from her body. Then she watched the sheriff panic at the realization of what he had just done set in. She continued watching when he wiped his fingerprints off the gun and then placed it in Sera's hands. Then, she watched him as he ran upstairs, presumably to fetch his belongings so he could flee the scene. Only when he was gone, did she manage to sit up, and get herself to move over to where Grace's body was.

What influenced Sera's next decision the most was the fact that the sheriff hadn't even tried to rectify his mistakes. He hadn't even tried to save Grace. She wasn't dead yet. But it was almost like he had just concluded that her story was over.

Sera didn't know why she was so shocked though. The sheriff had always been very cowardly like that...making messes and leaving them up for others to clean up.

Sera didn't have a single fighting spirit in her bone, back then, but even so, she knew she couldn't let him get away...not with this crime. So, the moment Grace took her final breath, Sera knew what she had to do, otherwise she wouldn't be able to live with herself.

Despite what Sera had just promised Grace, she didn't even think she wanted to live with herself anymore. So, she got up, and she turned the gas stove on, and then she set the whole house on fire without blinking an eyelid.

And as it all came crushing down, she felt strong, free and liberated. She was certain they would all die there that night. But they didn't. She had spent her entire life thinking she was the only survivor that night. But apparently, she was wrong, and she was about to find out.