j* movie reviews 2020

Batman Begins (2005)

This should be called BATMAN BEGINS FIVE MINUTES FROM THE END OF THE MOVIE.

You know how superhero/comicbook hero movies always show snippets of flashbacks to establish the forces that drive their characters, where they came from, why they do what they do, why they hate who they hate?? You know how its a quick and easy way to establish motives without boring everyone with the details? Well, when you defy convention and make an entire movie out of the flashbacks including all the boring uninteresting bits, this is what you get. Basically BATMAN BEGINS is two hours of boring tedious backstory. I was looking for split ends in my hair, which is really hard when its dark.

I know maybe I should have suspected it, but it was just so bad. I didn't even know if I was a Batman fan, but now I'm pretty sure I'm not. I think he's just a rich upperclass spanker hero to make rich upperclass spankers feel better about themselves. And he didn't have a soundtrack, he had a score!! I mean really, I go to comic book hero movies for the soundtrack, it should be pumping and thumping and heavy. Not pansy and classical. The movie was a bit like Batman meets renovation rescue, with so much of the movie being taken up with good old Bruce filing his own batstars, building a batcave and hunting down other goodies for his cause. It was just so tedious. I wish he got steam burns from the microvave emmitter. And another thing... Spidey would have stopped that train no probs.

TWO STARS.

<<Original 2005 review republished in anticipation of seeing rescreening of Dark Knight.>>