For the Record - b.e

Stupid Contract

"Really Billie?" I say chuckling at her comment. "The nerve you have, no the audacity to say that I hurt your feelings" I stare right at her.

"Billie you really like fucking with my feelings, like one minute you hate me, the next you are confessing your feelings. Like what do you want me to do? I don't know how to feel about you because I don't even know which you, I am even to be talking to," I say trying to piece together.

She stays quiet for a few seconds, "Oh how the turntables," She says with a tear rolling down her cheek. "You aren't a saint either Nora, one minute you are completely fine, and the next you act like a little bitch, always crying over bullshit," She says wiping away a few tears. 

"Please Billie don't try and turn this around on me, you know what I'm going to bed," I was about to walk back to my bunk. When I feel myself being pushed up against the wall. 

Once again she kisses me, with tears rolling down her face. 

🤍

I don't even know how to process last night

The next morning Billie tried to talk to me about last night. "Billie just drop it okay? We are not friends right?" I say. Today was our last day in Michigan, I was sad to leave but there are other shows. I walk toward the arena to start packing my stuff up; I told to staff to let me do it so I'm not forgetting anything. 

"Hey wait up," I turn to see Finneas walking up behind me. "You guys gotta figure your shit out," I look at him confused. "Please Nora, everyone can't keep walking on eggshells around the both of you guys. Tour cannot continue with the two of you constantly in a stand battle," Finneas says before walking toward the arena. 

I never really thought about how others are feeling about me and Billie's constant fighting.  I think the next moment me and Billie are alone I'll talk to her. 

🤍

We are driving up to Boise Idaho today, which is only a 6-hour drive. I wasn't excited about it but Finneas said he'd work on some music with me if I wanted to. 

So that's exactly what we did for the first 3 hours, we wrote a whole song. Right now we are working on the melodies. There was a knock at the lounge door, and in walks in Billie.

"Finneas are you done yet, you said you'd work with me today," She says looking past me to him. "Oh, yeah we were just finishing up right now; Nora we can start recording once we get to the arena" I nod and leave the room. 

The door slams shut the second I'm out of the room, she doesn't have to be rude about this. Sometimes when I'm alone like this it all just hits me at once, like this is my life. 

Was it worth it, leaving my parents, giving up my life to be an artist? 

Tears roll down my cheeks as I lay in my bunk, fame is never as it seems on social media. 

🤍

We arrive in Idaho, the arena wasn't that big which I am grateful for. I don't think I'd last the whole show without crying, in front of a big crowd. We are only staying out here for two days and then leaving again. 

Danny greets me the second I get off the bus, "okay Nora you gotta do rehearsal right now, its also going to be soundcheck because the show is tonight," I nod and continue to walk with him.

We enter the arena and I'm escorted by security to my dressing room. While I was setting up in walks in Billie, "um.. can I help you with something?" 

"We are sharing a dressing room, they only have two so the boys are in the other," I nod to her statement and grab my water before exiting.