HONESTLY

Anticipation

As I walked down the steps towards the stage, with seats on both sides of me, the only thing I was focused on was scanning the small group of people at the foot of the stage.

My heart started to race and my sweaty palms were uncontrollable, beyond the point of wiping away the moisture with a simple tissue. I knew Mark was speaking to me, but I didn't hear anything he was saying. All I could do was make eye contact with each person and identify  anyone who may look like Nate.

Fortunately, after scanning all the faces, his face was absent from the crowd. After a few seconds, my panic settled down.  I wondered where Nate was for just a second until I saw Mr. Whethers coming towards me with a huge grin on his face. He still had his gray, comb-over hair and wore big glasses and a button-down shirt without a tie.

I walked over and hugged my mentor, the person who really saved me from the loneliness of high school and the dreaded lunch period, which was always a thorn in my side. 

Back during freshman year, Mr. Whethers noticed me eating alone at a table. He suggested having lunch in the music room and welcomed me to practice my guitar. After a while, some other kids who didn't quite fit in were invited to do the same. I cherished those times when we would sit back and relax and just play music instead of worrying who we would sit next to at lunch.

After our reunion, I met a mix of teachers and administration. Some names I recognized from the email, but still no Nate, but I wasn't going to ask about him.

Unbeknownst to me, the fundraiser had turned into quite a big deal. The ten thousand goal had already been reached after selling raffle tickets for the auction. I contributed some autographed items, plus a couple backstage, one-on-one, meet and greets.

I was flattered at the recognition but still dumbfounded my name could save anything, let alone a high school's entire music program.

Mark showed us around the stage as I planned out where I was going to perform and how the show would be set up. I wanted the vibe to be like I was in my living room, just casually singing songs, just me and my guitar, like in the beginning.

As Lily and my father made small talk with Mark, I realized my bladder was about to explode. I nervously drank a ton of water on the ride to our old house and then continued to do so on the ride to the high school.

"Do you mind if I use the restroom?" I said, slightly squeezing my legs together without anyone knowing.

"Of course," Mark said without hesitation, "do you remember where it is?"

I nodded as I quickly excused myself from the conversation.

As I walked down a short hallway to get to the girl's bathroom, the smell of the halls and floors resonated with me. For a second, I felt like that awkward girl whose body was slow to develop and who had a guitar as a best friend.

I pushed open the bathroom door and practically ran into the stall, barely making the toilet.

While I washed my hands, I looked into the slightly dirty mirror, and realized I was not that girl I had reminisced about just minutes before. My boobs had filled out to a respectable 34B, I worked hard at the gym  for my toned figure, and I wasn't as quiet as I once was, which meant I stuck up for myself.

I walked out of the bathroom feeling refreshed and less anxious.

Then, everything changed.

At first, I heard faint footsteps, then they became slightly louder.

"Nick?"

I heard a faint but firm voice behind me.

There was only one person who called me Nick. I stopped in my tracks.