HONESTLY

Shock

I stood paralyzed under the bleachers watching Nate continue to speak to the very people who were seeking to spread more lies and gossip about me. My palms began to sweat as I stood protected under the metal stands wondering why he seemed so comfortable in front of the camera. More questions than answers knocked on the door to my heart. As I stared at him from afar, I literally did not know what to do until his eyes locked on mine across the field.

Panic set in, my adrenaline kicked into overdrive as Nate's face completely changed at the sight of me. The crowd around him noticed the change in demeanor and began to quickly turn in my direction. I sensed movement, like he had started to run towards me, but I didn't have time to look back.

One thing was certain, I needed to get out of there. Within seconds, I sprinted down the hill and out of sight. I continued to run all the way back to Nate's house. I replayed over and over the events that had just happened. My heart raced as I made my way down Nate's street and discovered vans parked along the sidewalk and reporters mulling around his front yard. I hopped a nearby neighbor's fence and ran through a couple other backyards to end up at Nate's backdoor. Luckily, Nate never bothered to lock it. 

I burst through the door and shut it as fast as I could. As I breathed heavy from running all the way back to his house, I stopped to catch my breath for a few seconds. Then, I composed myself to the best of my abilities and slowly walked towards the front of the house. I carefully pulled the curtain back to assess the chaos that settled on the front lawn.

My worst nightmare was playing out. My safe place was no longer safe, and I was no longer in hiding. Again, I found myself in a public spectacle with all eyes watching for my next move. I stepped away from the window and paced back and forth completely freaking out until I heard a rustling noise coming from the backdoor.

I stood in silence not knowing if someone was breaking into the house or if Nate himself had actually run all the way back to the house.

"Nicky, are you here?" a familiar voice said, coming from the kitchen.

"Lily?" I asked softly.

Lily walked into the living room, not looking like her fashionable self. Her appearance led me to believe she was on high alert and quite panicked, probably throwing on anything she could grab before abruptly leaving her house.

I started to lose it. I ran over to her and hugged her tightly, the sight of a familiar, trusting face was what I needed at that exact moment. Our embrace quickly ended as Lily pulled away from me.

"We need to get you out of here," she said with authority.

"I don't know what's happening. I just saw Nate with reporters..." I said frazzled as Lily interrupted me.

"I don't know anything about that. I just know we have to get out of here now."

"What's going on, Lily? Just tell me," I demanded as tears developed in my eyes.

"I tried calling you all day, but you were MIA. I don't know, someone outed you. I'm working on finding out who," she revealed as she pointed to her phone like she was waiting for an important call.

"I can't leave. I need to talk to Nate," I said, trying to make sense of all the chaos.

"You can talk to him later and figure out whatever. Right now, the jet's waiting."

I stared at Lily, paralyzed not knowing what to do, feeling emotionally tugged in all directions.

"Now, GO," she said, raising her voice and emphasizing with her hands that I needed to get a move on.

I rushed towards the bedroom and began to quickly grab my things as I wiped tears off my face with my hand. I glanced at the guitar that lay on the bed, a reminder of how I felt hours before, optimistic and hopeful about the new song and my relationship. At that moment, all I felt was sick to my stomach as I threw the notebook that contained such promising lyrics into my bag.