HONESTLY

Forever

I can remember every detail of that night like it was yesterday.

My family and I had just completed the move to Nashville, and my parents were busy settling in at the farmhouse, but I still had finals to take in North Carolina. Our old house was under-agreement and sat empty with  just a couple mattresses on the floor in our bedrooms for whoever went back to wrap up the last details of the move.

My parents were reluctant about me traveling to the house and sleeping over for a couple nights to finish up school, but I convinced them I could handle being alone for a few days.

The first day of finals, I drove to the school and the parking lot seemed empty. The seniors, including Nate, were gearing up for their graduation the next day. I tried focusing on school work, but all I could think of was making a fresh start for myself in a new high school and focusing on my budding career.

That night, I spent most of my time in my plain, empty room. I sat on the mattress eating Chinese takeout with chopsticks and reading through my notes for my last day of finals, which included my dreaded chemistry class. 

My notes were like chicken scratch, barely legible. I opened my laptop and started entering the password into my school account to look at the online textbook. Before logging in, I received a text on my phone.

I had been staring at my notes so long I was convinced my eyes were blurry. I swore I saw the name, Nate, on the screen.  I only had one Nate stored in my phone, and we hadn't spoken or texted in over a year and half.

The text read:

Jenna really liked her doll, tell your mom thanks.

I was in complete shock at the out of the blue text from Nate about my mother's birthday present she dropped off a few weeks prior.

With phone in hand, I stood up and walked over to the window. I discreetly pulled back the white sheer covering the window and looked across the street. I saw Nate's bedroom light on and a silhouette standing in front of the window looking in my direction.  A few seconds later, the lights turned off and the room went dark.

I released the sheer out of my hand, letting the window treatment fall back into place. I plunked back down on my mattress, completely confused as I contemplated my next move.

To text or not text, that was the question.

I decided to give Nate the same courtesy he showed me the last year and half of school, which was none.

I didn't answer him back.

His correspondence bothered me, lingering like a bad smell that I couldn't get rid of. I tossed and turned in bed that night as many questions lingered in my mind.

The next morning, I drove to the school and the entire place was packed. Off in the distance, the football field was set up for graduation. Parents and students, wearing cap and gowns, eagerly arrived in the parking lot.

I avoided looking over at the chaos, I had no interest in the seniors, including Nate. I rushed into the air-conditioned building. Even though I wore jean shorts and a white tank top, the weather was still way too humid and sticky for me.

I definitely could've done better on my chemistry final, but when I texted my parents I was done with school, they seemed relieved and didn't seem to care how the test went.

After doing errands for my parents, I pulled into the driveway and noticed Nate's mailbox had blue and gold balloons, our school colors, tied to the post. 

I walked into our house and realized this would be my last night in North Carolina. That thought was slightly bittersweet, this home was all I ever knew. I began to clean from the night before, picking up class notes that I had sprawled out all over the bedroom carpet.