HONESTLY

Regret

All I could do was look at him and wonder why he screwed everything up between us.

"If you want an autograph, then give me a pen so we can be done," I said sarcastically as Nate and I still sat at the bar together.

"Your dad thought we should talk," he said, ignoring my comment while throwing me for a loop.

"My dad?"

"I got his number and called him. He told me where I could find you," he said.

I looked over at the pool tables and searched for Lily, hoping to lock eyes with her so she could help me, but she was nowhere to be found.

I glanced back at Nate.

"Your dad assured Lily I would get you back to the hotel safely," he said.

"What do you mean?"

I knew the answer before he told me. My best friend and father arranged our "meeting."

I was so pissed I could've disowned Lily and my father.

"I can't believe those two," I said, grabbing my phone and wristlet.

I headed for the door as Nate quickly fumbled for some cash in his pocket to pay the bartender.

As I arrived outside, I realized I was breathing slightly harder, and I couldn't catch my breath. I sat on a bench nearby as Nate walked out. He sat next to me and helped me breathe in and out until I started to calm down.

He softly touched my hand for a second until I finally regrouped.

"I'm fine," I abruptly said, slightly pushing his hand off mine.

"There's so much I've wanted to tell you," he said, leaning back on the bench.

"Why now?

"I know this is my one and only chance to set things straight," he confessed.

"Stop talking, you're making things worse."

"It was my idea for you to come," he confessed.

"I knew it."  I shook my head as he confirmed what I feared the most.

I was in the middle of a perfect storm. There was no turning back. Nate would eventually hear the song and finally understand how I felt. I really didn't want to talk to him about my feelings in person. This was what I was trying to AVOID in the first place when I wrote the song.

"I need you to understand," he said almost pleading.

I stayed silent for a second, collecting my thoughts.

"Why did you call me that night?" I blurted out.

I had finally asked "the" question.

The one and only reason I had so much anger towards him.

"I can't take back what I did, but..."

"You're sorry," I interrupted, almost somberly.

We stared at one another for a second. I searched deep in his eyes for the old Nate, but all I saw was a stranger who didn't know me at all.

I glanced down at the ground, my emotions were starting to take over. I did not want him to see me vulnerable or shed one tear.

"It's getting late," I stood up. "I can find my own way back to the hotel."

I crossed my arms, almost protecting myself and my heart from him.

Nate sat on the bench in deep in thought as I began to walk away.

"When you're ready to talk, I'll be there," he said.

As the sun shined bright through one of the windows in the big Suburban,  I asked the two backstabbers, my father and Lily, to stay out of my business and never talk about Nate again. 

They both appeased me with a nod.

Unlike the day before, the high school parking lot was super busy with cars. As I looked around, I saw  kids lined up on the sidewalks waiting for me to get out of the car.  Some had signs, others had their phones at the ready to take a pic.

Security opened my door, and I immediately heard the roar of the robust crowd. As I stepped out and onto the walkway, I saw students clapping and shouting my name. Administration and teachers had roped off a path for me so no one would be inclined to get too close to me until I was ready.

I waved with a smile on my face as Lily pushed me along towards the front door as flashes went off with local and national press highlighting every movement of mine.

"Move over, Carrie Underwood," Lily whispered in my ear. 

 I could only squeak out a half smile for her. I was still mad at my best friend for abandoning me the night before.

As I headed through the front doors, Nate stood in the crowd, staring at me. I didn't give him a second glance as I walked by him.

As we made our way to the auditorium,  Mr. Whethers  and Mark were there to meet and greet me.  I mentioned to the principal I was going to match the final donation number, doubling the expected amount raised. Mark profusely thanked me for my generosity.

If it wasn't for Mr. Whethers and his passion for music and his students, I really didn't know where I would've been.

I set up my guitar for soundcheck and went over the list of songs I was going to play.

To my surprise, "Honestly," was written on the sheet. I walked over to Lily.

"Is this a sick joke?" I motioned towards the list in my hand.

"I know, I know, I can't do anything about it. I'm sorry," she shook her head. "I just found out myself.

"The song hasn't even been on the radio yet."

"Walt changed the release date to today instead of next week. The studio thought it would be great to debut the song here, at your old high school," Lily said as my head started to spin.

"Release?" I questioned, looking slightly crazed.

"Yeah, Walt said the publicity is just too good with you saving the music program and all," she said.

"I didn't do this for the publicity. I really wanted to help them out," I said emphatically.

"You don't have to tell me that, I know!"

"I can't do the song. I mean, we were talking about whether I should tell Nate about the song, because he would eventually hear the song on the radio. Not perform it live in front of him, " I said as I started to have another panic attack.

"Calm down. You just need to breathe and do this. Then, we can leave right after. No press or interviews," she continued, " and you won't have to see Nate again."

"You don't understand," I said.

Lily nodded her head and told me she really did understand. She knew how much Nate's friendship meant to me, that she could see it all over my face. Her job was to fix things, and she'd make sure the song would be last, and security would escort us out as soon as it ended.

I was barely listening to Lily, all I thought about was one thing.

"Can you find Nate for me?"I asked with my heart in my mouth.