HONESTLY

Desire

I laid on Nate's couch, still wearing a t-shirt and pajamas, holding a pint of ice cream in one hand and a spoon in the other. I shoved mint chocolate chip into my mouth as an empty box of cookies laid next to me. Crumbs were scattered on my shirt and in between the couch while I wallowed in my own sorrows. The front door opened behind me, and I assumed Nate had returned home, but I didn't have the energy to turn around.

"You hacked my computer, didn't you?" Nate asked as he closed the door.

I simply nodded as he appeared from behind me looking as good as he did when he left that morning. He assessed my situation with his eyes and then reached to grab the ice cream from my hands.

"No, no, I need that," I said, holding my hands out trying to retrieve my new lifeline, anything chocolate.

He placed the container on the coffee table and plunked down next to me.

"Do you really think this will help your problems disappear?" he asked, like he was counseling one of his students.

"Yes, I do. Now, can I have that back, please?" I said emphatically, looking straight into his eyes.

He thought for a second, and then stood up.

"Get dressed! I'm going to take you out after dinner," he declared.

"I can't be seen anywhere. Remember?" I said confused.

"Just get dressed and let me handle it."

I struggled to get up from my pity party session, but I managed to walk upstairs and throw on a pair of jeans and a tank-top. To finish off the outfit, I tied a sweatshirt around my waist and placed my good-old, tattered baseball hat on my head, just in case we saw anyone.

After Nate cooked some ziti with sauce, which I barely touched, we ventured out in his car. We drove through his new neighborhood, and it dawned on me, this was actually a familiar place. The night before, it was too dark to really get a look at the houses. In daylight, Nate was just a few streets over from his mom and my old house.

The car ride was mostly silent as I remained in a dessert coma trying to digest the gross amount of sugar I had ingested and knowing, sadly, I had room for more if Nate hadn't interrupted. Pasta was just not going to cut it for me. As he continued to drive, he glanced over at me a few times, almost like he was checking up on me as I laid my head back on the seat, staring out the window.

"We're almost there," he said in a slightly upbeat tone, as I flashed a quick smile his way acknowledging I was at least listening.

When we arrived at our old high school, he didn't drive through the main entrance, instead he took a left onto a side street that led to the football field. No cars, students, or faculty were in sight. The sun was starting to go down as he parked the car next to the concession stand near the entrance to the field.

He pointed to the middle of the field and said he would catch up with me, because he had to retrieve something out of the trunk. I slowly walked onto the field and noticed the grass was freshly cut from the leftover clippings that stuck to my white sneakers. I glanced around at the football field and realized I rarely explored that area as a teenager.

As I stood in the center of the field, Nate caught up with me and laid out a plaid blanket on the grass. As we both started to bend down and sit on the blanket together, I felt slightly paranoid, like someone was lurking behind me taking a photo or watching us. I started to shiver a little at just the thought as I looked behind us.

Nate saw my uneasiness as he slowly wrapped his arms around me.

"You're safe here. No one knows you're here," he whispered in my ear.