Metallic Hearts

Chapter 34

MH #34

I tried to search for his name on the internet. He had some issues with the people, especially him being gay.

Headlines after headlines, puno ng pangalan niya ang mga news na binasa ko. Iniisip ng mga taong hindi raw siya puwedeng maging successor ng ospital nila, kasi raw bakla siya't baka hindi raw makapag-aasawa.

Well, it wasn’t the case anymore. His dad would be happy for him, when he would know that his son's not gay at all. Kaya rin siguro, pinagalitan siya nito n’ong minsan dahil sa mga issues niya.

I stalked his accounts, all were marked private, from his Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook; I didn’t know if he had Telegram, though. His Facebook account was basically empty, pero ang dami niyang followers. Perks of having a famous identity. He was just so lowkey that he doesn’t want to show off everything that he owns.

After that night, never did we talk again, because every time we tried to, it would always fail---or not fail, perhaps the conversation would just end too soon.

Hindi pa rin kami official, and it had been two weeks since that night happened. Hindi naman kami nagkasamang natulog dahil bumalik na siya n’on sa apartment niya.

He gave me time to think about his confession, kung tatanggapin ko ba raw o hindi ang alok niyang maging magjowa kami. Ikinuwento ko naman ito kay Evie at parang ang saya-saya niya pa nang malamang nagkaaminan na kami ni Ethan.

“OMG! Successful pala ang plano ko!” Evie exclaimed, clapping her hands, while we were out, sitting on a bench next to a food stall of our school in front of a heated field.

“So ikaw pala ang may pakana ng lahat ng ‘yon? Sira ka talaga. Hindi ba sinabi ko naman sa’yo na hindi mo sasabihin sa kaniya ang lahat ng mga sinabi ko?” I retorted, pero pinamaywangan niya lang ako.

“Hindi kita matiis, ha. Alam kong kahit makipag-blind date ka pa sa iba, siya pa rin ang hahanap-hanapin mo. Alam kong sa kaniya ka pa rin uuwi. Duh, bombastika ka,” she said, flipping her hair to the side.

“Attitude ka.”

“Pero tingnan mo ang nangyari. L
Positive naman ang naging kalabasan, ‘di ba? So don’t me! Ikaw yung may utang sa akin ngayon.”

Napabuntonghininga na lamang ako sa sinabi niya.

Hindi ko pa nga alam kung paano ko ba sasabihin kay Ethan na ayos na akong maging magjowa kami. I mean, takot lang siguro akong makipagrelasyon ulit. But I knew that this time around, everything would change---my life even when he would be around me.

Umuwi ako galing school. Nagmadali akong pumasok ng apartment ko’t baka bigla ko na lang siyang maabutan. Mabuti na lang talaga’t gabi na siya umuuwi galing sa ospital.

Simula noong mga nakaraang araw, ang aga-aga ko nang umuuwi. Ngunit naiisip ko rin minsan na baka nasasaktan siya sa ginagawa kong paglalayo sa kaniya. I shouldn’t do this to him, right? Dapat ko na siyang sagutin, kahit hindi ko siya deserve para maging boyfriend ko.

Naisipan ko siyang i-text pagkatapos kong magbihis ulit ng damit na pambahay, isang pajama lang saka pinarisan ng maluwag na shirt. Nag-order na rin ako ng puwede kong makakain for dinner.

I thought of changing his name on my contacts when I saw our conversation. It was just so hilarious to think that all those things were just for show. He said that he was doing all those gay stuff to push women away from him. But it was different on my case as he was doing it to hide his real feelings for me.

I changed his name to Ethan, removing the ‘bakla’ from it. Iniisip ko pa lang lahat ng sinabi ko sa kaniya, nahihiya na ako. He might have been laughing his ass off at the back of his mind all those times.