Insider

Three

S.H.I.E.L.D. let us leave, there was no doubt about that.  I was under the belief that I had fallen right into their trap, but at the time I knew not what this trap would be.  Matt and I drove away from the Triskelion and into the night like bats out of hell.  God, it felt so peaceful to be on the freeway.  I was given some Criz, and I blankly stared out the window at passing cars with their headlights on.  Light, dark, light, dark...

However, Matt was stone silent.

"Matt?" I asked, "Matt, what's wrong?"

He looked at me woefully but snapped, "Are you fucking crazy, you dumb bitch?"

Raising an eyebrow, I replied, "Excuse me?"

"How could you try to kill yourself like that?  You know I can't live without you!  God, you actually wanted to die.  Sarah, you're insane." Matt ranted, "I travelled all the way to Washington for you!  Can't you please return the love?  I can't live in this world if you're not in it.  Please Sarah, don't ever leave me in that situation again; I love you."

He stared at me with his tear-struck, dazzling eyes.

Again, I should've felt the warning signals.  But, I suddenly felt awful for abandoning my family like that.  I should've let S.H.I.E.L.D. take me conscious, having faith in Crimson Night , knowing that they would save me.  My whole suicide attempt was ridiculous, embarrassing!  How could I have thought that fucking death was the only option?  And who the hell pulled me out of the river, anyways?  

Matt's eyes were incredibly persuasive.

Sighing, I admitted, "I'm stupid, and I'm sorry.  Can you please forgive me?"

No answer; we finished the car ride in a frigid silence.

"Sarah's home!"

Tears welled in my eyes, I never thought that I would hear her voice again.  "Hello Jazzy," I whispered, holding the little girl close.  Jasmine toddled into the living room, where I noticed Trish was sleeping on the couch.  Tobias was in the kitchen cooking something, he looked strangely startled to see me.  "What're you doing here?" he asked, "Didn't you get taken by S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

Rolling my eyes, I replied, "I escaped."

"Thanks, Captain Obvious."

Some things never change.

After a bowl of chicken and dumplings, I felt warm and satisfied.  I was home, and I planned to stay.  S.H.I.E.L.D. would suspect that I would run, so I decided to play a trick and stay hidden right under their noses.  I would stay in Manhattan.

I lay in bed, covered with blankets and hot cloths to ease the pain on my chest.  Today was so fucking eventful, I met the Winter Soldier for the first time in years, and got captured and escaped S.H.I.E.L.D..  Why was the Winter Soldier working with S.H.I.E.L.D., it goes against everything he fought for in Hydra?  The other man, the Falcon, weilded Captain America's S.H.I.E.L.D..  Who would want to be the new symbol for the man who left his entire family to go back in time?  Why were those two partners?  Maybe at the collapse of the old S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra, some folks just wanted to make an organization to establish some kind of order.  However this new S.H.I.E.L.D. cannot be trusted, not when Hydra is a part of it.  "Cut off one head," I murmurred sleepily, "And two more shall take its place."

One other puzzling moment occurred today; the Winter Soldier actually looked remorseful when I screamed at him.  I never expected him to have feelings.  All the people he's killed must be starting to haunt him; sometimes I get haunted by my red ledger as well.  Maybe he should've thought twice before he ripped bullets through his victims.

I felt so bare without Ollie's necklace.